Learning my kids anew

I assumed, before RK left for Australia, that my life here in Blr would be just the same as ever: me and the kids doing our own things, me supporting them when they asked, packing them food and hanging around. I hadn't really given it much thought.

Adolescence, in many ways I'm realising, is like very early childhood- the kids grow so fast that you blink and you miss it.

What I hadn't anticipated was that if I didn't put in some effort, we were at risk of becoming three rather detached roommates and nothing more. It struck me recently that it had been a few days since I had a proper conversation with Ani, for instance, and that the sum of our interactions was limited to mundane practicalities- money for the bus, wishing each other a good day, texts about the house key etc.

While Durga still seeks me out to tell me about her day or share gossip (or tea,as she calls it) or company to go window-shopping, Ani's interests and mine appear to diverge so much that these long spaces occur without even my realising it.

Then there are feelings of loneliness - I miss RK and the laughter and fights we have. I miss how naturally the household comes together when he is around. But I always assumed it was a me- problem, that I had to resolve this within myself.

Then there are the fights that Durga and I are having- she's at the phase where everything I do is wrong, boring and lame. Her greatest pleasure is to make fun of me about everything, especially to other family members. Which is entertaining, no doubt, but can sting.

Today, after reading "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" I decided I needed to spend time with both the kids. I called them out of their rooms, and said we needed to hang out together. Conversation was initially a bit stilted until the topic of weekday lunches came about at which point, it was a lot of laughter and teasing by the kids about my cooking. After that, it was fairly smooth sailing. I excused myself when it turned to "Summer I Turned Pretty" which Durga likes, I loathe and Ani finds so hilariously bad (he claims) that he and his college friends watch it together and text about how bad it is (or they could be gushing about it, who knows!).

Now I go to bed feeling happier than I have been these past few days. I was walling myself up thinking I had to figure out how to navigate all this stuff by myself. Maybe the answer is as simple as reaching out to the people who matter the most and creating occasions for us to come together. Memorable family interactions don't just have to happen when all 4 of us are together; maybe we can create routines for us three as well and not feel like we are just in a holding pattern until RK returns. Maybe I could embrace this opportunity to not feel like I am just a placeholder for the double-parental unit.

The Killing of the Shrew

A tiny shrew entered my bedroom today.

Random rodents keep entering our house. We are the only house on the whole street who have a tree and space for the Earth around the tree. We also compost around the tree. And to cap it all off, our dog Perry likes us to keep the door open so she can keep running out and barking at various things. Needless to say, lizards, rats, mice and on one memorable occasion, a squirrel have come in. It's especially bad after harvesting the mangoes- the smell of mangoes in the verandah room is heavenly and serves as a beacon to many many creatures in addition to humans.

I can handle lizards and feel reasonably comfortable guiding them out. I am intensely scared of rats and mice. Once a rat entered our house, climbed the stairs (!) and entered Ani's room upstairs, hung out there all day, emerged in the night and jumped on his bed and bit him on its way elsewhere. We had to go to the emergency room for tetatus shots at 3am. Our househelp Shanthi is very brave and if I have sequestered the rodential intruder in the verandah or the room attached to it, she strides in and pushes them out.

If Perry gets a scent of any of these rodents, she kills them. So, Perry is like a brahmastra- you only bring her in as a last resort and you can expect destruction. Bedroom rat, for example- instant death.

Today I wasn't sure what had entered, but the squeaking sounded like a rat. Durga shut the bedroom door so the rodent couldn't escape. All my clothes cupboard doors had been open and I was dreading going there tomorrow morning to see rat-shit everywhere on my clothes. It was really stressful and I felt very out of control. In fact, while I have managed reasonably well without RK these past few months, this was one of the times I desperately missed him. He would have understood my utter reluctance to enter the room or deal with this problem by myself and would have done something about it (as he has before). He would have made a nice joke, turned it into a learning lesson for the kids.... basically, he would have handled it really well. Unlike me. This is what I did:

I dithered a good bit, messaged some loud messages on Whatsapp to RK and then we let Perry into the room. We could tell that Perry had caught the scent and then on the other side of the door, heard several very loud shrieks and then silence. I gently opened the door and caught sight of a much smaller grey body than I was expecting.

I yelled to the kids (kids are even more scared than I am... I asked Ani to help since he's the man of the house now and had to listen to Durga retorting about patriarchy and Ani informing me that I was the adult here) and then they peeked in and Durga said, I think it's a shrew.

Look at it... it's so cute... it is supposed to feed on insects, worms and spiders. No wonder it was hanging out in my garden. Why, oh why, did it have to come inside the house?

I am swamped with guilt. Also nausea. I wish to God I had done something different.