Learning my kids anew

I assumed, before RK left for Australia, that my life here in Blr would be just the same as ever: me and the kids doing our own things, me supporting them when they asked, packing them food and hanging around. I hadn't really given it much thought.

Adolescence, in many ways I'm realising, is like very early childhood- the kids grow so fast that you blink and you miss it.

What I hadn't anticipated was that if I didn't put in some effort, we were at risk of becoming three rather detached roommates and nothing more. It struck me recently that it had been a few days since I had a proper conversation with Ani, for instance, and that the sum of our interactions was limited to mundane practicalities- money for the bus, wishing each other a good day, texts about the house key etc.

While Durga still seeks me out to tell me about her day or share gossip (or tea,as she calls it) or company to go window-shopping, Ani's interests and mine appear to diverge so much that these long spaces occur without even my realising it.

Then there are feelings of loneliness - I miss RK and the laughter and fights we have. I miss how naturally the household comes together when he is around. But I always assumed it was a me- problem, that I had to resolve this within myself.

Then there are the fights that Durga and I are having- she's at the phase where everything I do is wrong, boring and lame. Her greatest pleasure is to make fun of me about everything, especially to other family members. Which is entertaining, no doubt, but can sting.

Today, after reading "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" I decided I needed to spend time with both the kids. I called them out of their rooms, and said we needed to hang out together. Conversation was initially a bit stilted until the topic of weekday lunches came about at which point, it was a lot of laughter and teasing by the kids about my cooking. After that, it was fairly smooth sailing. I excused myself when it turned to "Summer I Turned Pretty" which Durga likes, I loathe and Ani finds so hilariously bad (he claims) that he and his college friends watch it together and text about how bad it is (or they could be gushing about it, who knows!).

Now I go to bed feeling happier than I have been these past few days. I was walling myself up thinking I had to figure out how to navigate all this stuff by myself. Maybe the answer is as simple as reaching out to the people who matter the most and creating occasions for us to come together. Memorable family interactions don't just have to happen when all 4 of us are together; maybe we can create routines for us three as well and not feel like we are just in a holding pattern until RK returns. Maybe I could embrace this opportunity to not feel like I am just a placeholder for the double-parental unit.