Durgoose is almost 2. And as an almost-2 year old, she is fiercely independent, highly mobile, loves to make people laugh when not being afflicted with bouts of stranger-anxiety, and as cute as can be. But she doesn't talk. She babbles, often outcompetes her almost-5 year old brother, Ani, when it comes to making disgusting noises, communicates very well, but won't say any words.
Contrast this to Ani, when he was 2 and was not only singing the whole "Wheels on the Bus" song, but also ordering a roomful of people to do the same.
All these months, I used to brush off concerns about her lack of speech with a long list of counterarguments: she's shy; she communicates perfectly, but just not with words; she clearly can hear quite well; she's probably doesn't get much of a chance to talk since her brother prattles loudly all the time and so on.
Then, I came across a couple of other two-year olds and got a shock. Both these kids are girls and are Goose's friends and speak wonderfully. I looked up online and found that the average two-year old's vocabulary is a 100 words! Goose doesn't have a 100 words... I'd be amazed if she has 50.
I got seriously worried. Ram and I discussed sharing our concerns with her pediatrician and wondering if the doc would suggest speech therapy. During these discussions I realized two things that might contribute to Goose's lack of words:
Firstly, the one thing that I hadn't been doing with Durga was reading out age-appropriate books. Durga and I do read, but usually we read along with Ani and we read one of his books, either the ones with superheroes, or comics, or ones without too many pictures. But I hadn't spent any great length of time reading books solely for Durga. This struck me as quite careless- why would I think that reading Ani's books would be particularly enlightening for Durgoose when she isn't at the stage to understand bigger words, let alone plot lines?
Secondly, the number of languages Durgoose has been exposed to, understands quite well and responds to is 4, 2 more than the languages that Ani had been exposed to at this age. Durgoose follows English, Tamil,Telugu and Kannada. Maybe she's just confused about which word to use.
That afternoon, I left the lab early and headed to the library to pick up two books that I thought she might like, "Goodnight Moon" and "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed", because she loves looking up at the moon at night and also loves to jump (and in fact, "jump" is one of the words she knows to say... maybe because I use "jump!" even while speaking to her in Tamil?)
Most fortuitously, two events occurred that very day that reassured me a lot. One was a little chat with her teacher in daycare. Ms.Nona, a new teacher, but with kids of her own, assured me that while Durgoose was shy of crowds and generally a bit on the quiet side, she was perfectly able to hold her own in any conversation, even using words when prodded on and given a lot of attention. The second event was a visit that evening by our real estate agent, who also has a five-year old son and a two-year old daughter. And she said her daughter didn't speak either! This kid too was bilingual (Hebrew and English), her older brother would talk all the time, this girl wouldn't talk, but had fairly advanced motor skills because of keeping up with her older brother. What was more, most of the time, the older brother would talk for his little sister (just like Ani!)
Phew! What a relief to find another family with the same pattern! Maybe for Durgoose then, it's a younger kid phenomenon and not really a "can't talk" problem. I guess I haven't really understood her need for complete attention, instead dividing up my attention between the two kids.
Later that evening, after dinner, when I pulled out the two books from the library, Goose plonked herself on my lap, Ani crawled to my side and the three of us read them over and over again. And we did this all through the weekend. And late last night, Goose said, "Monkey!" and then a few minutes later, pointing to the sky, "Moon!"
Yesss!!
* Fist pump*
Monday, March 2, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
A dreadful evening
It'd been so cold last week that I didn't park my car in its usual faraway spot, but instead, as close to the lab as possible. So yesterday, when it was bright and sunny, I parked it a mile away and had a most enjoyable little walk to the lab. But I totally forgot about the walk back by the time evening came around. So at around 5:15 or so, I slowly rose from my desk and plodded along to the parking spot opposite my lab only to remember, to my utter dismay, that the car was elsewhere.
Then I half-ran half-trotted the mile back, got into my car, realized it was stuck in a frozen snow bank and couldn't pull out, got back out, pulled an ice scraper from the boot and viciously struck the frozen ice all around the tires to get them to loosen up a bit so the tires could come out of them, then managed to reverse the car out of the snow bank and race to the daycare to pick up the kids before closing time, stressed out, disheveled and hungry after all that unexpected exercise.
Then, after coming home, I ruined my record of patience and good cheer with the kids by sniping, yelling and finally screaming at them. It started with Durga tossing her cup of buttered corn at Ani, scattering glass and corn all over the kitchen; then Ani accidentally spilling his whole cup of milk on the couch; then Durga, inspired by my earlier broom-sweeping of the glass and corn, picking up the broom to try to sweep the floor and then the utensils off the kitchen counter; then me ruining dinner by... I don't even know how. The tomato-paneer dish I made was the bitterest thing I've ever tasted. In the meantime, Durga hungry and crying for food; Ani on the potty, having diarrhea (what?! how?!); Durga pulling out vaseline from one of the shelves and anointing her face, hair and the floor with it; me yelling at both of them and the two kids crying because I yelled at them. Finally, got food ready, tried to cram some food into Durga, who magically lost interest in food and wanted to play instead with Ani, who instead of eating, got up to play with Durga and tripped over something on the floor and hurt his head his head against the couch. This is when I screamed.
And then... silence. Blessed silence for a few minutes, while I replayed in my head what I had just screamed, Ani and Durga quiet, but eyes filling with tears, the calm before the storm of their crying would begin again.
I should have eaten something before I started making dinner for the kids. If I'd been less hungry and less tired, I would have noticed the signs of the impending crisis much earlier and could have altered the outcome.
In the end, I calmed down. And magically, everything else calmed down too. The kids cried a bit, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Then I took them on my lab and apologized profusely and kissed and cuddled them both. Then, exhausted, we all fell asleep by 9 in the night.
Reminder to myself: if I lose control, my world loses control.
Now to pick up the pieces and start again.
Then I half-ran half-trotted the mile back, got into my car, realized it was stuck in a frozen snow bank and couldn't pull out, got back out, pulled an ice scraper from the boot and viciously struck the frozen ice all around the tires to get them to loosen up a bit so the tires could come out of them, then managed to reverse the car out of the snow bank and race to the daycare to pick up the kids before closing time, stressed out, disheveled and hungry after all that unexpected exercise.
Then, after coming home, I ruined my record of patience and good cheer with the kids by sniping, yelling and finally screaming at them. It started with Durga tossing her cup of buttered corn at Ani, scattering glass and corn all over the kitchen; then Ani accidentally spilling his whole cup of milk on the couch; then Durga, inspired by my earlier broom-sweeping of the glass and corn, picking up the broom to try to sweep the floor and then the utensils off the kitchen counter; then me ruining dinner by... I don't even know how. The tomato-paneer dish I made was the bitterest thing I've ever tasted. In the meantime, Durga hungry and crying for food; Ani on the potty, having diarrhea (what?! how?!); Durga pulling out vaseline from one of the shelves and anointing her face, hair and the floor with it; me yelling at both of them and the two kids crying because I yelled at them. Finally, got food ready, tried to cram some food into Durga, who magically lost interest in food and wanted to play instead with Ani, who instead of eating, got up to play with Durga and tripped over something on the floor and hurt his head his head against the couch. This is when I screamed.
And then... silence. Blessed silence for a few minutes, while I replayed in my head what I had just screamed, Ani and Durga quiet, but eyes filling with tears, the calm before the storm of their crying would begin again.
I should have eaten something before I started making dinner for the kids. If I'd been less hungry and less tired, I would have noticed the signs of the impending crisis much earlier and could have altered the outcome.
In the end, I calmed down. And magically, everything else calmed down too. The kids cried a bit, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Then I took them on my lab and apologized profusely and kissed and cuddled them both. Then, exhausted, we all fell asleep by 9 in the night.
Reminder to myself: if I lose control, my world loses control.
Now to pick up the pieces and start again.
Monday, February 23, 2015
A purpose in life
In undergrad, my purpose in life was to compete against a set of friends and get better marks than them. This was no secret- I think this group and I became such great friends because each of us was trying to beat the other. Joys of attending a great college in India- life is very simple: marks are everything.
In grad school, my purpose initially was quite lofty: save the world from HIV. Then 3 years into my PhD project (yes, it took me that long for this realization): forget the world, just get some results... any results. But at least this project is marvelous. Couple more years: fine, this project is a piece of shit, give me a to-do list to graduate and I'll get that done. Final year: Oh God, may I never think about HIV ever again. My purpose became, get the hell out and never look back.
Let's fast-forward the postdoc years and now it's time to go back. What to do in India? During my off-moments, which I define as those when I feel I have accomplished nothing and I'm a terrible scientist with idiotic publications, I think I will shun research entirely. I will do something radically different, like start an orphanage or go about the country planting trees. Then I actually get around to doing a bit of research; I might analyze a placental RNAseq dataset, or stare at some DNA methylation data and then get highly excited. And think, hey, this isn't so bad after all.
So now, I've come to some sort of balance with my on- and off-selves. I will do research on stuff I like doing research on: no wet lab nonsense for me (even the thought of cell cultures and Western blots raises goosebumps and a need to vomit), but more of this sort of high throughput data analysis.
But everything needs meaning. No point in me staring at some numbers if it isn't going to be worth it- worth my time, worth some money and importantly, have a worthy answer to the question: how is this going to change anybody's life? It doesn't have to be a big change, but there has to be an impact.
Now I have a splendid research idea, dealing with obesity and my current favorite cell organelle, mitochondria (perhaps it's my favorite because I don't know much about it and have never worked on it, but that's a question to ponder another time). It is fairly novel, there's not too many labs in the world that will have the infrastructure to answer such questions (but my current lab is one of them, hurray), but does it have any point?
From a clinical angle, probably not. If I get any answers from my splendidly exciting question, nobody's life will be saved. But from a research angle? That's what a ton of background reading will tell me... some time, when I actually get around to it.
So this is my current purpose: figure out if question is worth asking and if yes, design a study; if not, modify.
In grad school, my purpose initially was quite lofty: save the world from HIV. Then 3 years into my PhD project (yes, it took me that long for this realization): forget the world, just get some results... any results. But at least this project is marvelous. Couple more years: fine, this project is a piece of shit, give me a to-do list to graduate and I'll get that done. Final year: Oh God, may I never think about HIV ever again. My purpose became, get the hell out and never look back.
Let's fast-forward the postdoc years and now it's time to go back. What to do in India? During my off-moments, which I define as those when I feel I have accomplished nothing and I'm a terrible scientist with idiotic publications, I think I will shun research entirely. I will do something radically different, like start an orphanage or go about the country planting trees. Then I actually get around to doing a bit of research; I might analyze a placental RNAseq dataset, or stare at some DNA methylation data and then get highly excited. And think, hey, this isn't so bad after all.
So now, I've come to some sort of balance with my on- and off-selves. I will do research on stuff I like doing research on: no wet lab nonsense for me (even the thought of cell cultures and Western blots raises goosebumps and a need to vomit), but more of this sort of high throughput data analysis.
But everything needs meaning. No point in me staring at some numbers if it isn't going to be worth it- worth my time, worth some money and importantly, have a worthy answer to the question: how is this going to change anybody's life? It doesn't have to be a big change, but there has to be an impact.
Now I have a splendid research idea, dealing with obesity and my current favorite cell organelle, mitochondria (perhaps it's my favorite because I don't know much about it and have never worked on it, but that's a question to ponder another time). It is fairly novel, there's not too many labs in the world that will have the infrastructure to answer such questions (but my current lab is one of them, hurray), but does it have any point?
From a clinical angle, probably not. If I get any answers from my splendidly exciting question, nobody's life will be saved. But from a research angle? That's what a ton of background reading will tell me... some time, when I actually get around to it.
So this is my current purpose: figure out if question is worth asking and if yes, design a study; if not, modify.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Running in the snow
I thought that running in the snow was just inbred in the American psyche or something, but apparently all normal people wonder at these snow-runners just like I do!
Hilarious and spot on!
Hilarious and spot on!
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Introspection and some navel-gazing
We've lived in Pittsburgh for 10 years now. For both Ram and me, products of an itinerant childhood, this is the longest we have ever stayed in any city. Six months ago, if you'd asked either of us, we would have happily said we would probably stay in Pittsburgh and live in our current house forever.
How quickly the mind changes!
Now we are just as excited about leaving behind our lives here and starting afresh, returning full circle to the city we were born in.
I think the biggest benefit of such a move is that one is forced to introspect about what one really wants to do. An opportunity like this can't be squandered, as Shantideva has said in his Bodhisattvacaryavatara:
("Time and opportunity are hard to find; if I lose them now, where will I find them again?"
My translation. It captures the general superficial message, but falls completely short of capturing any of the depth or insight. Still, it serves its purpose for now)
So some of the many questions or issues that I've been pondering are:
a) How should we think about this move?
Is it a rejection of our American life or an acceptance of an Indian life or neither? Or perhaps should we think about it completely differently: as setting up a project in a different site. What if, every 5 or so years, we envision an exciting project, breathe life into it, set it up and then move on to something else in a different place?
b) After moving back, I will be interacting with my close and extended family on a frequent, perhaps even day-to-day, basis. There will be daily phone calls, famlily-related events to attend, festivals, religious events, weddings, deaths, illnesses, all the things that are considered "good to participate in", but are the same things I'm fairly insulated from right now, sitting half way across the world. How can I prepare for this?
c) What are some ways by which I can juggle family and work while getting time for myself and to spend with my husband?
d) What are some ways by which Ram, the kids and I can stay healthy?
e) How do I stop being overly sensitive about the many issues that I am sensitive about (such as child-rearing) and handle issues gracefully?
How quickly the mind changes!
Now we are just as excited about leaving behind our lives here and starting afresh, returning full circle to the city we were born in.
I think the biggest benefit of such a move is that one is forced to introspect about what one really wants to do. An opportunity like this can't be squandered, as Shantideva has said in his Bodhisattvacaryavatara:
My translation. It captures the general superficial message, but falls completely short of capturing any of the depth or insight. Still, it serves its purpose for now)
So some of the many questions or issues that I've been pondering are:
a) How should we think about this move?
Is it a rejection of our American life or an acceptance of an Indian life or neither? Or perhaps should we think about it completely differently: as setting up a project in a different site. What if, every 5 or so years, we envision an exciting project, breathe life into it, set it up and then move on to something else in a different place?
b) After moving back, I will be interacting with my close and extended family on a frequent, perhaps even day-to-day, basis. There will be daily phone calls, famlily-related events to attend, festivals, religious events, weddings, deaths, illnesses, all the things that are considered "good to participate in", but are the same things I'm fairly insulated from right now, sitting half way across the world. How can I prepare for this?
c) What are some ways by which I can juggle family and work while getting time for myself and to spend with my husband?
d) What are some ways by which Ram, the kids and I can stay healthy?
e) How do I stop being overly sensitive about the many issues that I am sensitive about (such as child-rearing) and handle issues gracefully?
Friday, February 13, 2015
Preschool Valentine's Day celebrations!
Ani has a Valentine's Day party at school today. We got the notification for it a couple of weeks ago and ever since, he's been excited.
I really enjoy these kiddie-parties. These are great opportunities to be creative, health-concious and thrifty, all at the same time. Ani and I spend a lot of time bouncing ideas off each other regarding what he should take as edible treats and what he should take to give away as gifts. And we both love the planning, the shopping and the making aspects of all these parties. We have multiple events like this every year: V'day to begin with, then his birthday, then Halloween and then Christmas and New Year.
This year for V day, this is what we did:
We had strawberry hearts and raspberries with vanilla yogurt for the in-school treat.
Then, for a gift to take back home, we bought these Go-go Applesauce squeezies.
And for each squeezie, we made a little card.
For boys, we made the T-phone (from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and for the girls, pink hearts.
Inside the T-phone card, it says "Have a (T)phone-tastic Valentine's!"
And on the pink hearts, as you can see, it says "Squeeze me, Valentine!"
Nice, eh? I will update this post later with the link that gave me the ideas in their entirety for the Gogo squeezie and the pink hearts. But the T-phone idea was all Ani's :)
Durgoose, since neither she nor her classmates are old enough to care too much about gifts yet, she got just the strawberries (chopped into small pieces) with the yogurt.
Hopefully the kids enjoy themselves. I can just imagine Ani's excitement this evening when he comes back home with the gifts that the other kids brought for him!
I really enjoy these kiddie-parties. These are great opportunities to be creative, health-concious and thrifty, all at the same time. Ani and I spend a lot of time bouncing ideas off each other regarding what he should take as edible treats and what he should take to give away as gifts. And we both love the planning, the shopping and the making aspects of all these parties. We have multiple events like this every year: V'day to begin with, then his birthday, then Halloween and then Christmas and New Year.
This year for V day, this is what we did:
 |
| Strawberry hearts |
Then, for a gift to take back home, we bought these Go-go Applesauce squeezies.
For boys, we made the T-phone (from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and for the girls, pink hearts.
 |
| Making the cards |
 |
| Squeezies with their little cards |
Inside the T-phone card, it says "Have a (T)phone-tastic Valentine's!"
And on the pink hearts, as you can see, it says "Squeeze me, Valentine!"
Nice, eh? I will update this post later with the link that gave me the ideas in their entirety for the Gogo squeezie and the pink hearts. But the T-phone idea was all Ani's :)
Durgoose, since neither she nor her classmates are old enough to care too much about gifts yet, she got just the strawberries (chopped into small pieces) with the yogurt.
Hopefully the kids enjoy themselves. I can just imagine Ani's excitement this evening when he comes back home with the gifts that the other kids brought for him!
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