Does anybody else ever wonder how the rest of the married couples in the world seem to get along just fine? Barring the "clearly unhappy to be together" couples, most reasonably happy pairs seem to have figured out how to communicate.
Despite RK and me being fairly articulate, proactive, decent communicators in every other sphere of life, there are times when we clearly have no idea what the other is saying. I could be speaking in Swahili for all that it mattered. And he would be spouting words that make sense by themselves but have no meaning when strung together. And even if the words make sense, their meaning is sometimes shrouded in mystery. And many times the meaning that makes sense is only the most superficial and there are layers and layers of nuances buried underneath that are to be unraveled.
How the heck do other couples manage this? How do they figure it out or fight it out?
That's the other thing I'm grappling with. Now that our kids are old enough to understand many things that I sometimes wish they wouldn't, I'm trying to become more circumspect about arguing with RK. No more yelling, screaming, crying, throwing things, stamping feet, threatening bodily harm... you get the gist. Now it is all saved for the car after the kids go to school. Even then, traffic in Bangalore being what it is, one is never more than a foot away from the deeply interested observers gazing from behind their auto rickshaws or motorcycles. This means that while you are hissing threats or abusing your spouse's intelligence, you have make sure to keep a smile on your face.
And forget about having a good loud argument at home... you might as well just shout it out on a loudspeaker to the whole neighbourhood.
Come to think of it, if there's one thing I miss about Pittsburgh, it's my house and the utter privacy of it. Yelling at kids, yelling at spouse, yelling just for the heck of it... you could do it all and be assured that not one word would escape your four walls.
I've been watching other Indian couples and how they interact and I can't say that it fills me with much hope that RK and I will magically figure out how to communicate flawlessly. Either one partner gives in to save face, or the argument flares and dies down very quickly. There's no drawn-out, let's-really-dig-into-this-matter-and-unearth-every-single aspect-that-needs-to-be -changed-in-the-history-of-this-relationship kind of an argument that other people (for instance, yours truly) seem to enjoy.
God knows I tried to change myself so we wouldn't stick out among all these couples. I did the "let the man talk and I will listen quietly and leave" method and the "let's say this and get out quickly" method, both of which confused and indeed, offended, RK no end, with the result that we circled back to our usual formula of argue, fight, vent, rant, tears (on my part, since I really turn on the waterworks), ending with long monologue (on RK's part, since he is the monologue champion), laughter and a promise to try better next time (on both our parts). Phew! It's a real emotional wringer of session, which is why I try to avoid it as much as possible, even though many times I know it's going to blow up in my face.
What I need to find is a couple where one partner is high maintenance, doesn't like to do much work around the house, is fairly involved in whatever they think is important and that's it. I might find my role model.
