My life in the US is fairly rigid. I have a routine which I follow fairly strictly: wake up at a certain time, do certain things in a certain order, get to work at a particular time, eat mostly salads for lunch, supervise very strictly what my kids eat (as much as I can anyway. They let them eat all sorts of junk at daycare and I don't do anything about that). You get the picture. I exert my discipline as much as possible on all steps in my life. I consciously step away from the dessert aisle (and it's very difficult for anyone with a sweet tooth); while cooking, I use organic stuff, I shun processed foods, and although the kids get their fried stuff in the form of puris twice or thrice a week, neither my husband or I touch the stuff. We don't make extravagant purchases; indeed, after shelling out for day care, healthcare, the house, utilities and the like, we don't have much money to splurge either. We spend money on clothes every 6 months or so but are fairly strict in economizing the rest of the year. But in turn, we are fairly healthy, in good shape, have the resources to go camping and sight-seeing on the weekends and we have money saved up for emergencies. It's a fairly frugal, conservative lifestyle... very disciplined.
My life in India is diametrically different. First of all, my parents' house is bang in the middle of a commercial section. One step out of the house and we are met with endless clothes shops and eating joints. It's become a routine for my kids to eat ice-cream or cakes or both nearly every day; I get a long, 4-course meal every 6 or so hours, with multiple fried papads or vadams; if I crave any ghee-stuffed monstrosity, it's just a hop away from wherever I am; and worst of all, there's a festival going on nearly every week for which my mom and grand mom and aunts make a hundred different sweets and fried things. Needless to say, my form has gone from being fairly slim to quite plump. None of my clothes from the US fit me anymore, so of course, I go shopping. And of course, I can't stop- the variety, the designs, the colors, the range of prices- there's nothing to beat India when it comes to clothes. I keep excusing my reckless abandon of all my precious mental discipline with the line that I'll be going back to the US soon. But it's been 3 months! And I still don't have my visa in hand! And I have no idea when I'll get it. So unless I start my exercising and portion-control right now, I'm going to resemble nothing less than the rosagollas and gulab jamuns that I keep popping into my mouth.
Life in India is also a lot friendlier. I talk endlessly here- and not just to the same people. The kids and I have made friends with the neighborhood shopkeepers, some other kids at the park we go to every day, some random ladies who come to visit the astrologer next door, and most of all, with the various cousins. Of course we have friends in the US and we do talk to people, but there, the chances of striking a conversation with some person you have just met are very slim.
Life in the US is going to be terribly flat when we get back.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
A wise book
My dad had told me about Dorothy Sayers and the Peter Wimsey series ages ago. I had even checked out the first book "Whose Body?" from the library, but never got around to finishing it somehow. This time, I skipped straight to "Strong Poison", where Peter meets Harriet and falls in love (a bit quickly, but still) and then to "Gaudy Night".
I'm still reeling from the effects of "Gaudy Night". I read it online, never a good strategy if one finds a book good enough to lose oneself in, so I must, absolutely must get the actual solid text in my hands and read it so well the next times that I have the book memorized. Have I ever said this of any other book? Never. This book is that good. There is wisdom in it.
More on it when I can expound in better detail.
I'm still reeling from the effects of "Gaudy Night". I read it online, never a good strategy if one finds a book good enough to lose oneself in, so I must, absolutely must get the actual solid text in my hands and read it so well the next times that I have the book memorized. Have I ever said this of any other book? Never. This book is that good. There is wisdom in it.
More on it when I can expound in better detail.
Neither here nor there
3 months ago, I would have thought that a 3 month-long holiday in India was the best thing to wish for. Well, after 3 enforced months in India, I can say with great firmness that it isn't all that's cracked up to be. Hear me well, you expat desis.
Short story as to why I'm still here in the desh: visa issues. Specifically, that beast called "administrative processing". Never mind what that is if you don't know it. It's a thing most boring and completely insane.
So yaay, here we are, the kids and I, in the lap of the motherland, experiencing life as it truly is in India, and not through a 2- or 3- week frenetic holiday window. It's been good and bad. It's the first time I have spent Diwali or Dussera at home in 10 years. It's the first time the kids have got to experience fireworks. It's nice to see the kids become close friends with their cousins. But, these moments are like raisins in a piece of raisin bread, some moments of sweetness in an otherwise boring and flat landscape.
The biggest hurdle: the man's back in the US. Let me tell you, those of you patient chaps still with me, one of the biggest and most unexpected results of sudden quasi-single parenthood: obnoxious kids. Kids who are normally fairly well-behaved start acting out like crazy. I put this down to the fact that they miss the other parent quite desperately, they are floundering even though there're plenty of relatives around, and they miss the stability the other parent brings. For my 4 year old son, if mom's in a bitchy mood, there's always dad to turn to. Now, even though he has Ajji, Thatha or Avva to turn to, it just isn't the same. So there are tantrums, general whininess, utter unreasonableness.... you get the picture. What in the world do divorced parents do, I wonder? It must be terribly difficult. At least I have the consolation that my husband will come and visit next week and I can hand over one of the kids to him.
Another great realization, or rather, a confirmation of what I've known for a while: home may be where the heart is, but home is also definitely where the work is. Mooching around here, I realize there's nothing particularly important that I need to do, there's nowhere that I particularly need to be and it's a depressing thought. But yet, it isn't just work for work's sake that I miss. It's my work, my research and my questions. I miss pottering around at my work bench, I miss pipetting things and I miss discussing stuff with my lab chaps. At my parents' place, I do no work. At my in-law's place, I don't get time to breathe, let alone sit. Neither state is particularly joy-inducing.
Short story as to why I'm still here in the desh: visa issues. Specifically, that beast called "administrative processing". Never mind what that is if you don't know it. It's a thing most boring and completely insane.
So yaay, here we are, the kids and I, in the lap of the motherland, experiencing life as it truly is in India, and not through a 2- or 3- week frenetic holiday window. It's been good and bad. It's the first time I have spent Diwali or Dussera at home in 10 years. It's the first time the kids have got to experience fireworks. It's nice to see the kids become close friends with their cousins. But, these moments are like raisins in a piece of raisin bread, some moments of sweetness in an otherwise boring and flat landscape.
The biggest hurdle: the man's back in the US. Let me tell you, those of you patient chaps still with me, one of the biggest and most unexpected results of sudden quasi-single parenthood: obnoxious kids. Kids who are normally fairly well-behaved start acting out like crazy. I put this down to the fact that they miss the other parent quite desperately, they are floundering even though there're plenty of relatives around, and they miss the stability the other parent brings. For my 4 year old son, if mom's in a bitchy mood, there's always dad to turn to. Now, even though he has Ajji, Thatha or Avva to turn to, it just isn't the same. So there are tantrums, general whininess, utter unreasonableness.... you get the picture. What in the world do divorced parents do, I wonder? It must be terribly difficult. At least I have the consolation that my husband will come and visit next week and I can hand over one of the kids to him.
Another great realization, or rather, a confirmation of what I've known for a while: home may be where the heart is, but home is also definitely where the work is. Mooching around here, I realize there's nothing particularly important that I need to do, there's nowhere that I particularly need to be and it's a depressing thought. But yet, it isn't just work for work's sake that I miss. It's my work, my research and my questions. I miss pottering around at my work bench, I miss pipetting things and I miss discussing stuff with my lab chaps. At my parents' place, I do no work. At my in-law's place, I don't get time to breathe, let alone sit. Neither state is particularly joy-inducing.
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