Another year, another poster presentation and another disappointment at not having won anything.
I understand that this department can't give me a prize because I don't technically belong to it. But I really don't understand why they force me to participate, raise my hopes and then dash them to the ground every year.
Fine. Keep your stupid money, people.
Projects that will always get awarded: vaccine work/ work on therapeutic drugs, even though each of them may be more cytotoxic than not (and they will be awarded despite the fact there's data on the poster showing that they are cytotoxic). Basic research on vaccines and therapeutics is a) repetitive and b) totally random in the case of drugs- you pick a drug from a million screens, and you hope it will work. Vaccine design, at least, has some elegance to it.
Projects that will always be second best: work on host restriction factors. Host restriction factors, in my mind, are so beautiful. They build such a lovely story of the evolving immune system, of the ever-present combat between microbes and the immune cells, of adaptability of systems and of nature, as a whole. Of course, I am biased.
Projects that judges will always shy away from: mine :(
Thus, I wallow in self pity.
My project is on something people discovered 24 years ago, have figured out a lot of things about, but cannot figure out exactly what it is. After 24 years of ifs, buts and maybes, nobody wants to touch the stuff any more.
Hey. Writing this up has suddenly given me some insight into myself: maybe the reason I've been so wary of doing basic science in the future is because of my PhD project. If I were to pick a project in the future, I would not pick one that is so nebulous, so prone to variation between humans, between systems and between cells. Because when something is that wishy washy, you stop believing in it.
Somehow, I have to finish up this PhD. Then, I need to do something that will give me some results within a reasonable period of time and with reasonable amounts of energy. Something that works beautifully and consistently. Because this project is slowly draining me out of all my optimism and love for science and research. Because I know that it is time to call it quits, wrap it up, dust my hands and say, "Enough".
Friday, September 17, 2010
Buried Deep Within
We had our first organized lab clean-up in.... wait, can you take a guess as to how many days/months/years? Hmm... one semester?? NO! One year?? (Not a bad guess given that we have an annual lab inspection and we have passed it every year).... NO! First time since I have joined the lab, which was 4 years ago?? NO!
Okay, this could go on forever. I'll give you the answer:
It was the first time EVER!!! In, give or take a decade, 3 DECADES!!
Guess what we unearthed?
-->Bags of cotton autoclaved in 1990- with the autoclave tape slowly crumbling to dust and the cotton getting the consistency of cotton candy
--> pH meter from the 80's era
--> Media from 2001 (someone has been very carefully storing that media for close to a decade now, without ever using it.... and not even the least bit of fungal growth in it. Surprising, no?)
--> Lab notes. Dozens and dozens of books of former grad students, sitting around smugly. It is always fun to read bits and parts of other people's lab notes. In the initial, innocent years of research, lab notes are serious tomes, focused only on science. By the final year, lab notes are insouciant. And wedged in between experiments are grocery lists, monthly finances and, if the student is female, menus and recipes.
--> The coup de grace... hold your breath.... Tritium!!! It was sitting inside a little glass vial, looking, for all the world, like some harmless cytokine which somebody forgot to return to the fridge. I picked it up and shook it, because it seemed a bit thick and yellow. Then my brain rather slowly registered the words "3H isotope". "Maybe all 3H is not radioactive?" I was thinking because this vial looked so innocuous. Then I turned it around and there was the orange sign with the words "Caution! Radioactive Isotope!" written on it. Yikes!
I used the cotton-candy to wrap up the vial, Lori stuffed it into a tin (couldn't find lead) box and Kathy found us a Geiger counter. Poof! No counts registered- we probably were at more risk from the radon in the room than anything in that vial. Good thing too... even though it makes a boring end to what could have been a sensational story. Our lab would have got into SOO much shit otherwise. I wonder how old it is... the lab stopped registering as a radioactive isotope-user nearly 10 years ago.
Anyway, half life of tritium apparently is only about 7 days. So, it couldn't have been radioactive for very long after it was bought.
This cleaning session was only 3 hours (for which I was late, as usual. But only by half an hour!). I wonder if we will have the energy and motivation to continue cleaning next week or the week after. After all, there are still EIGHT more lab rooms that belong to us and that probably need to be cleaned :s
Okay, this could go on forever. I'll give you the answer:
It was the first time EVER!!! In, give or take a decade, 3 DECADES!!
Guess what we unearthed?
-->Bags of cotton autoclaved in 1990- with the autoclave tape slowly crumbling to dust and the cotton getting the consistency of cotton candy
--> pH meter from the 80's era
--> Media from 2001 (someone has been very carefully storing that media for close to a decade now, without ever using it.... and not even the least bit of fungal growth in it. Surprising, no?)
--> Lab notes. Dozens and dozens of books of former grad students, sitting around smugly. It is always fun to read bits and parts of other people's lab notes. In the initial, innocent years of research, lab notes are serious tomes, focused only on science. By the final year, lab notes are insouciant. And wedged in between experiments are grocery lists, monthly finances and, if the student is female, menus and recipes.
--> The coup de grace... hold your breath.... Tritium!!! It was sitting inside a little glass vial, looking, for all the world, like some harmless cytokine which somebody forgot to return to the fridge. I picked it up and shook it, because it seemed a bit thick and yellow. Then my brain rather slowly registered the words "3H isotope". "Maybe all 3H is not radioactive?" I was thinking because this vial looked so innocuous. Then I turned it around and there was the orange sign with the words "Caution! Radioactive Isotope!" written on it. Yikes!
I used the cotton-candy to wrap up the vial, Lori stuffed it into a tin (couldn't find lead) box and Kathy found us a Geiger counter. Poof! No counts registered- we probably were at more risk from the radon in the room than anything in that vial. Good thing too... even though it makes a boring end to what could have been a sensational story. Our lab would have got into SOO much shit otherwise. I wonder how old it is... the lab stopped registering as a radioactive isotope-user nearly 10 years ago.
Anyway, half life of tritium apparently is only about 7 days. So, it couldn't have been radioactive for very long after it was bought.
This cleaning session was only 3 hours (for which I was late, as usual. But only by half an hour!). I wonder if we will have the energy and motivation to continue cleaning next week or the week after. After all, there are still EIGHT more lab rooms that belong to us and that probably need to be cleaned :s
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