Prepared Childbirth Classes

In a sudden panic attack over the impending arrival of the Wiggly Fetus into the world, I'd signed up for two classes at the Magee Women's Hospital: Prepared Childbirth (not the one with Lamaze) and Baby Basics for First Time Parents. I registered, paid the money, and forgot all about the classes (does that happen to you too? Do you feel like your job is done once you shell out some money for something?).

There I was, hanging about in lab yesterday, playing Minesweeper and browsing the net without a care in the world. I'd typed in "Post Doctoral Careers" in Pubmed to see what I'd come up with (a more amusing pastime than one might imagine, Pubmed having the worst search engine in the world) and among the results that came up were "First time childbirth experiences in and out of the hospital: a case study in Australia". How could I ignore something like that? I clicked on the link, opened the report and saw something about midwives and home deliveries and breathing exercises and it struck me with a flash that I'd recently paid a lot of money for learning how to breathe. Shoot! Had that thing already started? Could I get a refund if the classes were already over?

I googled Magee Women's, got hold of their phone number and called. After umpteen transfers and many hours of holding, I got hold of a woman who seemed to know what I was asking about. "Which class did I sign up for, again? When did it start?", I enquired. I was in luck. The first class of the Prepared Childbirth series was that very evening, from 7 to 9pm. "Excellent. I was just checking", I said, as though I had known about this all along. Five minutes later, I called the woman back and asked, "So, what exactly am I supposed to bring to this class? Do I need any special clothes?" She didn't know. She thought I'd probably require comfortable clothes.

By 5pm, I was done with work, bored, hungry and cold (like all buildings in America, in my building too, the heaters are kept at full blast, and the air conditioners switch on automatically, so that each room is either too hot or too cold). I thought I'd get to the hospital by 6:30, grab a bite to eat at the hospital cafeteria before heading to the class. The weather had other plans. It was snowing and blustery outside and a thin sheet of ice had formed on the sidewalks, so that walking was difficult. I slid and skid my way to the bus stop, realized that all the available buses had just passed by and that it was too cold to hang about waiting, and walked on to the hospital. It took me a good 20 minutes more than anticipated to get there, what with the waddling and skidding and I regretfully dismissed the idea of getting food first and made my way to the class.

"No support person"? asked the woman there, as she took in my bedraggled state. "Nope, just me", I said and walked in.

Soon, the other members of the class began walking in- always in pairs. I pretended to be engrossed in a booklet that the instructor had kept for the students (though, soon enough, there was no pretense required- that book had some pretty detailed info about why I had the various aches and pains that I did. Made me feel much less of a hypochondriac). Anyway, by about quarter past 7, the class was full and I took a good look at my classmates.

Firstly, the demographics: Most were women in their mid twenties to mid thirties, like me. Two were teenagers- definitely not older than 18 or 19 years.
All the twenty-thirty year old women (excluding me) had brought their husbands along. The two teenage girls came with their mothers.

Directly opposite me was a woman who was just downright beautiful. She had a such a maternal look on her face, I instantly named her Madonna- not the Kaballah lady, the Renaissance one. I couldn't stop looking at her- she was so calm and collected and so incredibly well dressed. And her husband was so solicitous! He plumped a pillow up for her back, made sure she was comfortable and that her feet were placed up. He supported her if she needed to get up or change position. They held hands all the time, it was all very touching. She was also at the most advanced stage of pregnancy compared to the rest of us- in her 36th week. Come to think of it, she'd probably have her baby before the classes ended, since this is a 4 week course. I came to learn later that this was the first baby that was biologically their own, they had adopted one 15 months ago. Needless to say, my fascination with her only grew after knowing this.

Anyway, my hunger, tiredness, the fact that I was all alone, made me almost teary for a while. In the booklet I'd mentioned above, were pictures of couples practicing different labor postures. I fervently hoped we wouldn't get to that stage in the first class itself- whom would I practice with? Who would give me support? The wall? Initially, I was annoyed at Ram and my mom. Why weren't they here? But then, my annoyance got transferred to heartless residency programs who wouldn't allow their poor residents to spend time with their wives and with the weather, that wouldn't allow my mom to comfortably leave the house when she wanted to.

I didn't want the class to think that I was a single mother with absolutely no one to support her. During the initial introductions, I said, "My husband couldn't be here with me, since he's a resident on call, right here at Magee actually" - a lie, since he was actually at Children's Hospital ER, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted them to think that he was familiar with all this childbirth business, and that should he have some time free, he would instantly be able to come to me. Then, when the spotlight shifted from me, I felt bad about my lies- why begin something on a deceptive note? What kind of things would my kid learn if his mom couldn't stop making up things and announcing them to the world?

To make matters worse, I'd also mentioned to the class (because the instructor asked us to), that we hadn't yet decided on a name and were still arguing about it. To which, the instructor said, "Oh, I see, you don't discuss or debate, but you ARGUE". Which, of course, put a different take on the whole thing- a nasty take.

So I was pretty unhappy the first hour of the class.

The class itself was okay, though. Most of this first session was just talking- what we ought to think about while preparing a birth plan (epidural, other medications, liberty to eat or drink during the labor, liberty to walk or change positions during the contractions and so on). Then, about preterm labor, actual labor and false contractions. All sorts of things about where the baby's head is at different stages of the labor process, why contractions hurt so much and what happens when the water breaks. Things that are good to know, because then you can picture in your head the processes going on within you when the pain starts and then you are not quite so scared or stressed out.

Phew! Long-winded post.