Fighting for a Feeling of Self Worth

One of those weeks which leave me battered and bruised.

My ego's taken a severe beating this fortnight: a series of failed experiments in lab, failed because of my carelessness, a so-so presentation by me about my work at lab meeting, halfway through which I realize the lack of multiple important controls in the experiment and have to come up with mediocre explanations for the same, someone at home admitting that he didn't feel comfortable there because it was too disorganized and untidy for him, and so on and so forth.

Ouch.

I have become expert at shoving unpleasant thoughts to the back of my mind and forcing them there till I can forget about them. Until they come crowding in all at once and catch me unawares.

It's 20F outside and I need to leave soon to pick up Ani from the day care and carry him back home. Haven't given the poor kid a bath in two days (though, hey, he did get his teeth brushed everyday. That's gotta count for something).

Okay, let's focus on the positives:
a) Ani's smile at he waved goodbye to me in the morning at daycare
b) I taught someone how to think through the preparation for a PhD Comprehensive Exam and I think she was pretty inspired and impressed.
c) My friendship with my labmates- in this lab and in my previous one. So see? SOMEbody likes me, I'm not all terrible.
d) Hmm... positive stuff in the sphere of scientific research that I have done... aaaarrgghh nothing that I have done recently, but my journal club presentation was pretty good.
e) Something positive in the home front... let's forget about tidiness and laundry and clutter now... Oh, hey, you know what? I have been cooking great, healthy, reasonably tasty food at home every single day (and many times, more than once a day) for 4 straight months now. I have made sure that everybody who is at home gets something decent to eat. There. Okay, so that's my answer to whoever sticks their nose up about the state of the house. Which actually, by the way, is pretty damn good. If you're going to be hyper-sensitive, and want everything to be spic and span, don't come home.

So...I think I do a darn fine job of holding everything together...for now... somehow...