To Tell or Not to Tell

I have been pondering a lot about pregnancy and women in the workplace. When I was first pregnant, nearly three years ago, I had conflicting emotions: happy and excited when I was with my husband or parents, but incredibly nervous at the thought of telling my thesis adviser.

My adviser is an awesome guy- supportive, friendly, excellent mentor. But he was not pleased when I told him I was pregnant. His first look was almost accusing- 'how could she be so irresponsible' were probably the first words in his head. And indeed his first reaction was, "Well, Varsha. I don't know how you'll be able to manage finishing your PhD. Hopefully you have an easy time of the pregnancy" and then he went to expound upon the many girls he knew who became pregnant while at school (not high school, grad school!) and who then had to shelve their dreams of doing research or going ahead in their careers because of their various pregnancy-related ailments. I can remember my emotions during my pregnancy swinging between guilt, shame, embarrassment, giddy happiness and excitement. 

Looking back, I can say that graduate school is probably the best time to become pregnant. There's a steady source of income, there's support from co-workers, school administrators, and yes, even thesis advisers ultimately, and the work is flexible. As long as your PI has enough grant money to fund you for six months more than he originally expected, life is good. 

A not-so-good time to become pregnant is when you are looking for a new job. And that's when the quandary arises: do you tell your prospective employer during the interview that you're pregnant or do you wait for the job offer and then gently break the news? 

Both my thesis adviser (to whom I asked this question) and my husband thought they would not reveal the news until later. My adviser said, "Well, you have to protect yourself. Ask yourself this: if you were a PI with some finite source of funding, would you hire a highly productive person, or would you hire someone who has uncertainty in her future. And make no mistake: pregnancy and childbirth are uncertain events. Who knows what might happen when and for how long?"
RK said, "Every woman has a right to reproduce. And every person has a right to protect themselves against discrimination. If there is a chance that pregnancy can lead to a person not being hired, then it is only natural that that person not reveal anything that leads to discrimination" 

On the other hand, Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg says pregnancy is not a time to be apologetic and freaked out and unsure of yourself; it’s a time to be your most ambitious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18uDutylDa4.

Well, it so turned out that all these questions arose in my head because this is exactly my situation: I am pregnant and I am job-hunting.

Postdoctoral positions in the biomedical sciences are notoriously underpaid and highly stressful. Principal investigators (PIs) look for productive scientists (and the most productive postdocs are single men or women; married postdocs are also relatively productive, though they do expect holidays once in while; male postdocs with kids are less so, but the least productive postdocs are females with kids. Family systems being what they are, females are the ones most likely to take days off to take care of sick kids, to take a morning off to drive the kids to a doctor's appointment, the ones least likely to stay back late at lab finishing up an experiment). But of course, here I am equating "productive" to "ability to spend large amounts of time in lab". They are not the same at all. And in fact, female postdocs with kids usually end up making the most efficient use of their time in the lab with minimal interruptions and breaks. But it is nonetheless a pretty stressful life: expectations are unclear or unrealistic, job security is low, and egos can be fragile. 

What is the value of this training? This will warrant a whole new blog-post. 

So let me tell you what has happened so far: in my postdoc interviews, I have been clear about expectations regarding time: I will not spend hours beyond 9-5 in the lab, and I am not likely to come to lab on weekends, unless I deem it absolutely necessary. And (more relevant to this post) I tell all my prospective postdoc advisers about my pregnancy. My outlook on pregnancy has undergone a pretty drastic shift from the last time I was pregnant. I do not see it as something to hide or shy away from. I am thirty. If I don't have kids now, when the heck will I? I hope that the persona I project is as strong and honest as I want to be and the message I want to convey is this: I am a great scientist. And I am a mother. If you have a problem with this, then I do not want to work with you. If you hire me, you will get a hardworking and imaginative problem-solver, but you are not going to get a slave. 

So far, it seems to have been successful. Only time will tell to what extent.