Trying to synthesise my experiences over the past fortnight

 On the 23rd of Nov, a week before I left for Copenhagen, I had written in my diary that the trip to Cph would be transformative in terms of personal and professional growth. This was still when I knew little about Denmark or Copenhagen or the workshop that was generously paying for my trip.

Two weeks later, I can unequivocally state that it was indeed transformative. Some meandering thoughts that I would like to pen down before they get lost forever in the ether of my brain:

a) Am proud of myself for not only battling imposter syndrome, but also for learning to be by myself- no crutches in the form of friends, family, work or being busy. I spent a week just...being. And I was healthy, in mind, spirit and body. It has taken time and effort to reach this degree of comfort with myself, and with this level of awareness of my emotions. I was worried earlier this year when RK broached the idea of him going to Australia to learn and practice aboriginal medicine, but I am happy that I have made the effort to learn to be by myself. We love spending time with each other, but have learned to give the other space to grow. Khalil Gibran's poem about the oak and cypress resonates and inspires me.

b) Some thoughts about OneHealth and production and economics: Denmark's economy is largely fuelled by the pig industry- they are among the world's largest exporters of piglets and pig meat. They also export milk and cattle meat. A lot of effort has gone into ensuring that the production of pigs or cattle meat or milk is not affected by infectious diseases, nor does it over-depend on the use of antimicrobial medicines. This is achieved through stringent infection control methods (they have eradicated multiple diseases from their country, over the past 200 years, thanks to investments in health literacy, technology, biosecurity practices and hygiene) and eradication of carriers and potential carriers of disease. For instance, to prevent African Swine Flu and to reduce Salmonella and Campylobacter infections, Denmark's policy has been to intensify infection control through stringent sterilisation practices of people and equipment (at the farms, slaughter houses and the vehicles for transportation) coming into contact with pig meat. But in order to absolutely prevent any cases of ASF, they have also blocked any entry of wild boars into the country and have killed any wild boars that happened to be in the country. I understand the need for ASF prevention and how it may cross-over to humans once it spreads in pigs, but does OneHealth also mean not allowing other animals to live for the benefit of humans and our industries? This definition of OneHealth is a thought-provoking one. If farmers depend on production for their loans and the finance system of Denmark is geared towards maximising the number of pigs that can be produced per farm, then there is a strong positive feedback for continuous growth- more land for each pig farm, more piglets per sow, more meat per pig, more chances for infection, more intensified infection control through whatever ways work. It is a system driven by numbers and by measurement and constantly towards "More".

Thanks to Dr. Amit Kanani, I learned something about the Indian veterinary and animal husbandry industry. Our policies could definitely do with decreasing antimicrobial use and increasing efforts to prevent infections in animals through stringent hygiene, for sure.  For certain diseases, like Avian Influenza, we too cull the infected and potentially infected animals and intensify surveillance around the epicentres of such outbreaks. But we also use a lot of vaccines to prevent diseases or to treat animals for many diseases. Certainly there are economic reasons for promoting vaccination and surveillance over extermination of reservoirs, but there are also cultural and philosophical reasons for doing so. He had mentioned how "Vasudaiva Kutumbakam" - the world is our family- is a driving philosophy for the policies followed and I am struck by this aspect of OneHealth too. 

So, it has been an eye-opening experience to realise that people across the world do not have the same general idea or definitions about OneHealth-  clearly there are factors of path dependency, political, financial and economic ecosystems, culture, philosophy and history that colour one's definition at an individual level and influence policies at a country level, or even a continent level. If OneHealth, a term that seems perfectly obvious on the surface, has so many meanings and connotations, is it any wonder that terms like sustainability, climate change, resilience etc are so deeply debated and indeed, fought over?

c) Another term that was discussed during this meeting that struck a chord in me was "Degrowth". I should thank the Green Solutions Centre group for bringing it up. Dr. Peter  used the example of the pig industry to wonder if the global policy towards "More" was compatible with the urgent need for sustainability. He acknowledged the immense difficulty in reversing this trend. These conversations were triggered by the wonderful exhibit of veterinary history curated by Dr.Nathalia Brichet, a social anthropologist at the Dept of Veterinary Medicine, who asks these questions and makes us think about what our world views are, what we are willing to sacrifice and where we draw the line and how these change with different backgrounds and cultures. As a student of Complex Adaptive Systems, I found this exhibition and the conversations triggered by it truly exemplary and memorable.

d) I found the talk on the Danish model of collaboration by Lis Alban of Seges Innovation full of wisdom. She talked about transparency, honest communication and a true desire for participation by all stakeholders that have led to the policies on food and everything else. She represents the private sector and it was really interesting to learn about the Danish Veterinary and Food Council, which despite having a name that seems to suggest that it is a government body, is actually a cooperative of private industries and individuals invested in the companies that produce and export.  Despite the overwhelming diversity of India, I do believe there is an Indian model of collaboration too, and who knows, perhaps one day I will be able to crystallise the essence of it as concisely and clearly as Lis was able to about her country.

e) The trip enabled me to learn about the deep and inspiring work of my own fellow Indians- Dr. Yas Sandul, Dr. Deepak Saxena and Dr. Amit Kanani. I look forward to being in touch with them and learning more from them.

f) Finally, at a personal level, I am thankful for so many things:

- the expansion of mind that this trip has afforded me, including my utter surprise and delight at the clever use of technology and architecture at the CityHub capsule hotel. I am determined to use this expansion as a way to solve mundane problems in business management through innovation and not merely manpower.

- the time away from the urgencies of day to day life. I was able to run regularly (crossed 6km! It's taken over a year, but I feel like a real runner at last!), eat mindfully and spend my time the way I wanted to, for over a week. What privilege! 

- the kids for managing themselves so well and being so open to and supportive of their mom happily traipsing away

- my laboratory for running itself fairly smoothly and effectively. It is a testament to the systems and the people and I couldn't be more proud.

This trip has facilitated an openness to exploring opportunities outside of India and broadening my horizons in many different ways.

Battling Imposter Syndrome

 The good news is- I finally recognise the signs of it. 

The better news is- I'm able to regulate how to respond to it (not with fear and tears and shutting down). I know I am in control of how to respond, and cannot and should not feel helpless or powerless. 

The bad news- I still feel it!

Arrrggh

At the U.Cph workshop today,  I was hit with a few doses of the good old IS. 

I'm not part of a large organization like my fellow invitees from India.  Large organizations invariably come with pedigree, funds, students, impact and stability.  I have to fight the feeling of being unable to compete with them at any level.  

One of the more senior Indian professors made a statement like,  "well, you should keep more updated on what is happening with the current trends in your own country, instead of talking about some old information.. India is moving fast a lot" in a very cutting sort of voice... this was about the fact that a particular program on field epidemiology training had expanded it's scope from human public health professionals to include veterinary epidemiologists,  food safety officers,  and forestry department officials.  I did not know this and had made a comment on how the Danish system of using food safety as a link between human and animal departments both made perfectly intuitive sense and was novel.  

My first instinct after hearing this was to shrivel a bit inside...I have heard such statements many, many times from many, many people throughout my life. Usually it happens when I'm being very proactive and engaged,  asking questions etc and it invariably shuts me up..I become extremely self- conscious and wonder if I've been blathering too much and become very subdued.  

Today,  I realized that shriveling was about to begin and I aggressively stopped it.  I have no reason to get subdued,  I have every right to speak up and honestly,  who on the world knows everything? And maybe he didn't even mean it in an oppressive sort of way- maybe it was just me,  assuming things. 

Later, he made comments about a dengue program that they were doing,  which was very similar to what I am, and seems a hundred times better.  

My psyche needs a bit of a shaking up... I am here to learn and to grow. These are opportunites. People have recognised my value and have invited me.  My husband has started using my company's name as his home institute for all the amazing work that he is doing, and he's definitely not the nepotism- types and is very very careful about what he formally associates himself with.  I too have an organization and it's something that I have built with my own sweat and tears.  So, why should I discount that?

With all these going for me,  what in the world am I so scared about? Where is the imposter syndrome coming from? 

I will end this entry here with a stern reminder to myself that I'm not here to win students, accolades or money.  I'm here to deeply engage and pursue everything that catches my fairly broad and inquisitive interest.  I'm grateful that I'm here and that I'm unburdened by so many obstacles that others face and am privileged to have been given this opportunity- not just this  workshop, but even to just come to a different country and hang out by myself.  

Gratitude for my first few days in Copenhagen

 Day 3 (Dec 4)

Before I start forgetting all the things I am doing, thought it best to quickly pen down my experiences so far.

Before travel: 

I knew very little about the city (or the country, for that matter) before... I think I used to be quite confused between Denmark and Holland- Danish and Dutch are a bit similar-sounding. Then, when I realised they were different, also realised that everything I know about this region is either based on stories about Holland, Sweden, or Iceland (the last, thanks to a brilliant romance novel called Beautiful Wreck by Larissa Brown). What are Danes known for? Not like the enthu-pataki Dutch, Danes are not particularly known for humanitarian efforts, science, emigration (though, did I maybe confuse Danish researchers at Pitt for Dutch? No... I feel fairly certain those guys were Dutch) or cricket. What do Danes do? 

I asked my uncle, who had worked at Danida, the Danish embassy in India. He had been their lead strategist and researcher in something related to water and agriculture. He didn't have much to say about them, other than the fact that they were rather quiet (work-wise) compared to the Dutch or the Swedes. I asked my cousin Audi, who has traveled extensively in Europe, and no, he hadn't made a stop in Denmark ever. While chatting with Rk, we recalled Hans Christian Andersen (Danish! Not Dutch!) and I recalled a story about a kid who sticks a finger in a dyke to stop the water from a sea to enter a village (but this was based out of a village in Holland, not Denmark... jeez...also untrue) . 

RK found a book called "Copenhagen Tales" to gift me, which had some interesting stories, mostly about winter and problems with immigrants, which are both depressing topics. 

A few days before leaving for Cph, I was second guessing the whole trip. There were so many seminars, conferences and other interesting events happening in Bangalore during that time! Then in a fit of wisdom, birthed from too much work, and incessant work at that, realised this trip would be a godsend to me to recuperate from overwork. I thought I would check out the Uni of Cph's library and spend some time reading, walking, cycling and just relaxing. This was enormously cheering and so when I boarded the plane in Bangalore, I was quite happy again.

Durga and Ani asked me what I would get them. I offered them cheese, which is a Danish speciality from what I can tell online. Durga didn't seem too excited though. Ah well.

Day 1:

Landed in Cph on the evening of the 1st. I had packed rather well- had pushed all the thick winter clothes into a small backpack which had been checked in, so I wasn't lugging around unnecessary weight everywhere. So as soon as I landed, checked up how to get to the hotel (I dislike taxis and was hoping for public transport, which I got!), got my baggage, wore all my winter things and boarded the metro, whose ticket I bought from an online app- no money changing, thank God. Reached my little capsule hotel in good time. My hosts in Denmark, at the Uni of Cph, will take care of my hotel when the workshop starts next week, but this week is on me, and I think I hit the jackpot with CityHub, a capsule hotel which provides more privacy than a hostel/ dorm, but manages to be congenial and provides more opportunities for interactions than regular hotels. Plus, capsule hotels! Who wouldn't want to try out something like that!

Entrance to my capsule

My capsule is very cute. I was quite concerned about noise- what if my speaking on the phone would disturb the ppl above me, what if they (a fairly young couple I had glimpsed while getting into mine) decided to have sex, what if I farted, and so on and so forth... My mind was buzzing with questions related to noise. In most of the hotels in India that I have stayed in, walls and doors are thin and people are noisy.

But it was silent as a tomb... I was the noisiest, despite my efforts to be absolutely silent, with my steel dabba (in true Indian maami style, I had packed some laddus and mixture in case I got peckish) dropping on the floor and making that tan-tan-tan-tatatan- sound of all steel dabbas hitting the ground. Made me wonder- are people in Europe extremely quiet? Or was it just Denmark - like Japan, do they also have a culture of exceeding reservation and silence? Or was it some kind of engineering marvel- this place had young people, for crying out loud! Young people everywhere make noise!

[found out later- it is an engineering marvel: they have noise and vibration canceling materials making up the hubs]

Day 2:

Woke up at 5:30am local time and checked out the bathrooms- ultra clean. Tiny, but really well-designed. Didn't hit my elbows or shoulders against the walls at any point of time, as I thought I might while looking at it from outside. Also, they provide moisturising lotion right next to the soap. A relief, because this place is dry!

I peeked at the communal kitchen- has a sandwich grill, microwaves, fridges for people to keep their food inside boxes labeled with their names and room numbers, and a load of knives, and cardboard cutlery. One lesson from my Frankfurt trip last year: supermarkets have great food, so instead of rushing to a restaurant first thing in the morning, one should just plan things out a bit and save a load on food. 

I had been desperate to get some birdwatching and nature-time in Bangalore during the last month, to absolutely no avail. So the first thing I did was to find out the address of the nearest park (1.2km) away and headed there with my binos. I ended up there a bit too early- got there by 7, whereas sunrise wasn't until 8. But, on my way, had the rather awe-inspiring sight of dozens and dozens of people cycling to work- young people, old people, people with large things to carry in prams or little trucks in front of their bikes, parents with older kids, younger kids, babies, you name it. And a rather impressive number of runners. I don't think I have ever seen that many cyclists on a road as part of daily life, not just because of a special event like a cycle-marathon or something.

As expected, most trees do not have leaves, but I had forgotten about the stark beauty of a bare tree trunk with its twiggy limbs. 

I think this might be Gingko

People at the entrance of the park were making an ice-skating rink ready.  And once I entered, lots and lots of people with babies or dogs, runners, lots of elderly people briskly walking and hailing each other. Quite a nice feeling. People aren't immediately friendly, unlike Americans, who go around greeting everyone. But perfectly willing to engage in conversation. Not seeing too many non-Caucasians. 

Readying an iceskating rink 

Birds seen (which I could identify... some which I haven't yet been able to)

1. Great tit

2. Jackdaws

3. Magpies

4. Mallards

5. Treecreeper

6. Gulls

7. Feral doves

8. Raven

Treecreeper

Came back to the hub feeling like I should plan for breakfast, but not willing to eat yet. Decided to go shopping and found a supermarket about a km away. Long story short, check out my breakfast:

Granola with yoghurt and fresh fruits

Grilled rye bread with havarti cheese

Amazing or what? I spent the same amount for at least 5 breakfasts as I would have in one sitting had I gone out!

Apparently Mondays are holidays for most public attractions in Cph. So, I went out to explore the city. Am amazed at how historical this place is.

Amalienborg, the seat of the Danish royal family

 

Marmokirken church in the distance

People like to sit outside and hang out and eat and drink- despite the cold!

 

Came across a number of Christmas markets- open air marts outside at street corners by vendors selling home-made or small scale industry products. Lovely, but rather on the expensive side. Might get some unusual gifting ideas though, so will check out later.

Day 3: Inspired by the number of people running on the streets, I did too! Covered over 4km in about 33m. Felt incredibly proud of myself. Wanted to try out the sauna at the Hub right after, but alas, couldn't figure it out. 

Have found 2 special places to meditate and relax in the afternoons- yesterday, I accidentally found the Marmokirken Church: it looked big and imposing and warm. 

A quiet place where one could just sit down and stare into space. I did so, had a lovely little nap- one of those refreshing ones where your brain goes blank but you aren't really asleep. 

Another place I found today was at the Botanical Gardens, under a giant tree, right after a massive sequoia.

The Botanical Gardens are not a great place for birds, but have been designed such that you can go on unexpected stairs, steps and mossy pathways and find yourself a nice bench and stare at trees and plants.

At the end of one such slope, I found a bench facing this utter beauty of a tree trunk:

The tree itself is massive, goes up many feet above. By resting my neck on the back of the bench, I could see all the way up. I stayed like that for many minutes, staring at the sheer magnificence of this creature. And entered that close-but-not-really-napping headspace. And felt deep peace. A niggling headache that had been troubling me since the previous night disappeared and I just sat. 

I have to say, my opinion of Cph is rapidly improving and I am beginning to appreciate its tranquility. 

Today is day 4. I've not really gone out yet. Woke up for an early morning meeting with folks in India and have been at the laptop since then. I think that's ok though... will figure out what I feel like doing in a bit.