Time loops, age and love

 What might have my parents been doing at my age?

My mom, I think, had her bone TB diagnosis when she was 43... so she must have been worried about dying. This was in Pune. 

My dad at 43 must have been quite excited about his work in Chennai..I don't think we had moved to Pune yet. In Chennai, he had been the Chief Manager or a Branch Manager, I forget which one. He was ambitious and had still a strong sense of his physical appearance- I recall he would exercise every morning and that I would join him for curl ups and jumping around the house. 

I thought about this today because I realised many of my clearest memories of my mom were from when she was younger than I am now. So there is a juxtaposition of feelings- my old ones when she was the all-knowing, wise, kind person who could always make me feel better and my newer ones when I look back and feel warmth towards a younger mother likely juggling many different things.

All these thoughts emerged from the recent stay of my mother's younger sister from the US and her daughter, my cousin, and her family of husband and 3 year old daughter. And I experienced the same feeling of warmth and confidence that things would be ok when my aunt was around that I did with my mom and dad, while also watching her take care of her daughter and granddaughter. They had brought a lot of old pics with them; we spoke about earlier trips and visits; we spoke of me and my cousin when we were younger (same age as my kids now, actually!) and of my mom and aunt as children and teens. 

So I am in this time loop and wondering at it. Will my kids and their cousins have warm memories of me and my cousins now? Will my kids remember me as someone kind and loving or someone harried and irritable? Will my nieces reach out to me for support and help as I reach out to so many of my aunts and uncles for various types of advice, guidance and comfort, or receive the same even when I don't realise I need these?

I realise that all these are possible only when intention, planning, time and effort go into building these relationships and connections. It is easier for me living in Bangalore to do this with my extended family here. But I do wonder how to reach out to those who are not in Bangalore. 

I am so grateful to my cousin and aunt for having coming all the way here and deciding to stay with me, when no doubt there might have been more comfortable abodes they could have chosen from. These are the connections that both my kids and hopefully hers will recall with trust and love when they are my age.