Thoughts about the Future

I've been giving some thought to what I ought to do after the PhD for the past few weeks. I hope to be done by the end of this year, but I guess it's never too early to plan. Also, a few of my close friends who started their PhDs around the same time that I did are graduating soon and while that's always melancholy, it's also very interesting to hear their thoughts about what they want to do next and why.

I decided to do a PhD for all the wrong reasons. My main wrong reason was that I wanted to get out of my home, hometown, country and everything that was familiar and safe and live life by my own in a totally new place. I also wrongly expected that a tepid liking for research would be enough to dedicate 5-6 years to it. There was peer pressure (and how! Nearly 35 people out of 50 in my class applied for PhD programs in the US, India and UK. And our undergrad teachers practically brainwashed us into thinking that a PhD was the only thing of worth that could be done), a significant superiority complex (how could I, with my scores and recommendations, think of doing anything as measly as a Masters?) and a conviction that a PhD would give me the expertise and authority to be able to dictate my terms to others. I guess there is some truth to that last bit, so I wasn't 100% misguided in my wish to join a doctoral program.... perhaps 99% misguided, but not a complete 100%. That makes me feel slightly better.

I'll save the process of getting a PhD for another post. Let's just say that it's like one of those clothes dryers- it wrings everything out of you. At the end of the process, you are left with the unshakable truth that no matter how bad things get: a) they might just get worse, and
b) somehow you will be able to get out of it- with or without dignity intact.

Anyway, I don't want to make the same mistake of entering something after the PhD for the wrong reasons. Which is why I am so leery of doing a post doc- if I do one, will I be doing it because everyone else is, or because I really, truly in my heart want to do one? And I don't want to join something with that lamest of excuses: "There are no other options. I can't do anything else".

So I am writing this to clear up my head about what I would like to do after the PhD.

What are the aspects I would like to promote in my professional self?

a) I think I would like to teach- from whatever little teaching I have done, I find it fun and I think I am good at it. And thinking about teaching doesn't give me a secret fear that I will not be adequate for the task, it makes me feel rather warm and happy and excited- even the thought about grading or setting exam papers. So, definitely, this aspect should be present in whatever avatar I take post graduation.

b) Writing: I am pretty darn good at it. Sorry about the lack of modesty here. I'll be a bit more objective: I am very good at writing about my own research and my own scientific thoughts in a simple and concise manner and I am very good at editing other people's writing. And while I am not truly excellent at critiquing other people's scientific work, I'm not terrible at it either. I haven't done well in scientific reporting, I regret to say. My writing tends to become wooden or worse, fake sounding. Perhaps that is because of lack of practice- don't have too many occasions to write in detail about someone else's work.

c) Research: has two aspects to it- the thinking about, and the actual conducting of. I'm good at thinking about research. I can break down a question into smaller objectives and I can think of the drawbacks to measurement techniques and find a way around them. Which is why I can write a research proposal fairly well. What I cannot do without great fear of failure is actually conduct these experiments and measurements. I am not terribly good at lab work. Isn't that a sad admission from a bench scientist? And I know why. It's the same reason that my cooking sometimes is brilliant and sometimes fails quite dramatically: I cannot follow a recipe. I improvise and I make excuses for it. And sometimes, I'll admit, I'm just plain lazy.

So it's these conflicting attitudes to research that make me love it some days and hate it, fear it on others.

I think the best option for me is to do something that doesn't involve a great deal of bench work, that involves thinking and planning research experiments, and that involves teaching and writing.... I should just skip the whole post doc experience and become a principal investigator... haha....

Anyway, this has clarified that the standard post doctoral experience, with its focus on bench work and lab skills, is not for me.

What are the alternatives? I could teach- in an undergraduate college or a medical college. Both these places do promote research, but to a smaller degree. And in such a place, without the pressure to perform magic in the lab, I might actually find myself becoming better at bench work. In fact, in some place like this, I could, in addition to teaching, start a grant writing course or an introductory course to research. This would involve a lot of thinking and writing initially, of course, and then would gradually proceed to lab work, by which time I might be prepared for, and even excited about, it.

Industrial jobs- scientific writing, post docs, media relations etc- really don't thrill me to bits. I wonder if I am a product of that class of academia that puts its nose up when it comes to the industry. My adviser is a bit old fashioned like that. Maybe I take after him.

Phew! Enough thoughts for now- my brain is getting tired.