NDTV

If NDTV were a person, it would be a woman. And if NDTV were a person, my hands would have, by now, spontaneously gone around her neck and choked the life out of her. My loathing of NDTV is so much, that I can imagine my fingers slowly tightening their hold around her neck, can imagine the gurgling that will come out of her throat, her Adam's apple cracking and the life leaving her eyes. Yes, I have imagined every step of this murder and then I become happy. I LOATHE NDTV.

Why am I so sure that NDTV is a woman? I agree, Pranoy Roy would be the first person anyone would associate with it... only because he was there in the beginning. I like Pranoy Roy- I would be very sad if something were to happen to him. But NDTV, on the other hand, can go jump into a lake with some bricks tied to her legs and I would cheer by the banks as she drowned.

NDTV is overrun by women. And not just any random women. These women are clones. These women have the same nasal tones, the same sing-song cadence of speech, the same modes of expression. They dress the same, they ask the same questions, they moderate discussions the same way, they make the same mistakes while pronouncing words (darlings, it is not the "BJP Pahty" or the "Congress Pahty", or the "Indian Ahmy" it is "PaRty", "ARmy"... please, stop dropping the Rs).

You can tell when NDTV is on because you don't even need the words, you just need that tone. It's like a cat walking on metal with its claws extended, it is like nails scraping against board, it's your skin crawling when you realize that open can is a can full of worms.

Please NDTV. Do yourself a favor. Scrap the women and get some deep voiced men. Give those women some off-screen work. Get those pot bellied, sweaty, hairy men with mustaches back on the screen. We don't care how they look. We just prefer the way they sound. Believe me, your ratings will go sky high right away.