Our first Id holiday

We spent the holiday for Id really well. We did some birdwatching in Cubbon Park and saw:

Magpie Robin and its family. Pic courtesy: birdforum.com

Ashy Wren Warbler

Green Barbet. Also observed in Dayanand Sagar University. Image courtesy Wiki.

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Yellow Wagtail.

Indian mynah

Female rose ringed parakeet

Lesser cormorant. Image courtesy Joy Sinha, tripadviser.com

Pond Heron. I initially thought it was a white bird that had got dirty in the pond

Later that evening, we went to Sankey Tank near Malleshwaram. I had been here a long time ago, to meet an uncle who worked at a Statistics center somewhere nearby. But I had never spent too much time there before. Now, after hanging out there for a few hours, I think Sankey Tank has to be one of the best places in Bangalore both for individuals and for families, very like Schenley Park back in Pittsburgh. The only major drawbacks to Sankey Tank are the low height railings over which even a two and half year old can lean far out (as we learned yesterday) and potentially fall into the water. So it's a bit hazardous and parents can't just leave their kids to run around.
But otherwise, it's rather marvelous.
We went there around sunset, when flying foxes emerged from their nests in the nearby trees to hunt:

A beautiful waterfall evoked images of Ganga falling from Shiva's head, while simultaneously reminding us of a similar fountain at Point State Park in downtown Pittsburgh

Durga, who had watched the sunset, the fountain and the flying foxes, fairly impassively, came to life when she saw bandicoots coming out of their holes with the darkening sky. "'Ello! 'Ello, lat! Come to me!" she cried in her lisp.


A Ganapathy visarjan was in progress, accompanied by loud drums, clanging bells and yells of "Ganapathy bappa moriya!" We also learned a new little Ganapathy jingle: Twinkle twinkle little star, Ganapathy bappa superstar!
The kids loved it!

All in all, a great holiday!

A Bird's Eye View of IISc

On a wet, slightly cold morning recently, RK and I took an auto to IISc for breakfast. I think anybody who has spent any length of time in IISc falls in love with it. What a campus! What architecture! What beautiful space!
As RK got busy on a phone call almost as soon as we entered, I explored some parts that were lesser known to me. I tried to spot a bird whose call was entirely unfamiliar, with little success. I explored a building with nondescript walls but the most stunning set of what appeared to be garage doors, painted a refreshing orange, a shade probably not found anywhere else outside Holland.  walked below the ivy covered stone columns by Choksi Auditorium towards the cafeteria. There were nooks entirely covered by ivy and I fantasized about young couples meeting there in secret while it poured rain just a foot away. What a romantic walkway that was!
Suddenly, I came across this beautiful specimen of a Gulmohar Tree, planted in its own special stone enclosing:

Tell me, who wouldn't have the intense urge to climb one of these beauties?

So I hoisted my handbag more securely on a shoulder, placed one foot on the V of the trunk closest to the ground and pulled myself up. I imagined that I could easily get to one of the closer branches which were stretching out all the way across the roof of the walkway. Only after I'd gotten fairly high up did I realize that what appeared to be a thick sturdy trunk across which one might even trot across with ease, was actually quite slender, rather slippery and sloping, not at all conducive to balancing, let alone trotting across:

Stuck. Couldn't go further up, or across. Realized the ground was a bit too high up to jump down. What now?

I admired the roof of the stone walkway:

 and bantered down with RK when he finally showed up:

Then, when I could procrastinate no longer, I dropped the handbag down and slithered, slipped and skidded down the main trunk and could at last rescue myself.

What struck me was the total and utter freedom to do these kinds of antics. There were people nearby who watched, many more who gave me a glance and walked on unconcerned. But every one of them left me to do what I wanted.

What an awesome morning! May there be many more of these!

Sick

Every time I come across another little child molested in Bangalore schools, my stomach turns. I have a visceral fear of this, which mother does not? Fear, disgust, horror: these are common reactions to these stories whomever I speak to, wherever I bring this up. But when I ask other moms, what do you do when you hear something as unspeakable as this crime, I don't get any answers that satisfy me.

What should a person do when confronted with what seems to be an epidemic of sexual abuse of babies and children? What can we, as parents, as citizens, as sane humans do?
The answers I get vary from "I pray" to "My kids' school is very good. I know they will be safe there".
I cannot be content with these passive methods.We cannot keep on praying that someone else will tidy up things for us, pass laws that are stringent against these offenders (by the way, what are the punishments for these men? Why do they do the things they do? Are they sexually frustrated? Do they have some psychiatric issues? Are they under some kind of fucked-up, weird peer pressure to prove their masculinity? ). Or maybe I should stop saying "We cannot sit here doing nothing, hoping that things will improve", because from my experience, that is EXACTLY what most moms that I have spoken to want to do.

So let me rephrase that to I cannot sit here doing nothing. I need to feel that I have at least raised my voice. The very thought of sitting quiet, hoping someone else will fix the problem, hoping that my kids don't get harmed, hoping that the school they eventually join has taken the necessary steps to protect the kids, makes me sick, sick sick.Silence is acquiescence and I do not want to be silent.

Just starting a Facebook page will be useless. It has to be with an aim and some objectives in mind. So I've been keeping my fear at bay, by thinking about how to think through something like this. How does one start a movement? How does one bring about change? There are lessons to be learned here from any politician, movements like Arab spring, or even last year's parent protests that forced the police to make some infinitesimal rules, such as CCTV in schools.

Anger management

Why is it SO difficult to manage anger? Just when I think I'm doing a great job controlling the anger flare-ups with the kids, I go and blow up at the husband.
It's like a volcano that needs to erupt somehow, or a water pipe that has to burst. You close up one hole and another opens up.
This tells me that I have not succeeded in truly calming myself, but have just suppressed my emotions. And this lid on the boiling pot of anger is as ineffectual in controlling the flow of anger as a finger plugging a hole in a sea wall (yes, Hans Brinkner, I'm looking at you)
So that begs the question, why is this volcano there in the first place? Why is it so easy to feed it?

Some things that increase anger:
a) Hunger
b) Multi-tasking while hungry
c) Reading a novel obsessively.
d) Not taking the time to have a general plan

My recent flare-ups have been caused by all four, but especially by (c) and (d). I've been reading "The Hidden Blade" and its sequel "My Beautiful Enemy" by Sherry Thomas and found them so fantastic that I have been reading them nearly continuously for more than a week now. So there's very little space in my mind for anything more serious. Which irritates the man no end and in turn, makes me really upset.

On-going attempts to control anger involve:
a) A few minutes of meditation. I really need to make more time for this.
b) A few minutes of planning every day.
c) Writing. It's amazing how much writing about this process is helping me. So I need to continue logging my thoughts and progress (or regress) and learning from them.

A new phase in life

A red-whiskered bulbul. We spotted one in J.P.Nagar, Bangalore. Image: picked off the web; copyright details on pic

Exactly a month since we left the US.

Time has flown swiftly by. We have been making inroads into re-embedding ourselves into Indian society (starting with applications for PAN card, Aadhar card etc) and getting the process started to open RK's clinic.

When I think back on this month, and indeed, this past year, all I can think is how lucky we are to have received this opportunity to do something different. How alive one feels to be undertaking something massive and totally new! "Life-changing" is an understatement to describe the events of the past year. Things may or may not work out. But thank goodness we got the chance to try. The lessons we learn will stay with us and mold us for the rest of our lives.

Our biggest objective right now is to get things rolling on RK's clinic. We have identified a space, started negotiations etc. But things move slowly, and it is likely that the clinic space won't be ready for a few more months. In the meantime, RK will start practice at a nearby hospital. My stuff related to the lab and childbirth education is also proceeding slowly but surely. It is largely reliant on RK's clinic to be functional, at least initially.

There are two or three things that I am proud of myself for, some attitudinal aspects. Usually, I tend to take a backseat most times especially in the professional sense: RK has always had a very clear idea of what he wants to do and spends most of his time thinking and talking about it. I automatically and happily fall into the role of listener, but never spend as much time (or indeed any time) figuring out what I want to do. So anytime anybody (usually RK) asks me what are my plans for myself, I flounder, because honestly, I have not given it any thought. My answers are usually half-baked and get shot down before they have time to draw a breath.

This time, it's been different. Since my role right now is as Chief Supporter, I get a front-seat view of the process of starting a business. But very soon, I started seeing it as an internship for myself. What better way to learn about business than by being intimately involved with starting one, without the actual responsibility of having everything depend entirely on one? RK's cousin D is an entrepreneur and a fantastic mentor, willing to share his experiences and answer multiple naive questions without losing patience. So in this self-created internship, I am learning to strategize, market, pay close attention to details and start thinking two steps ahead.

My attitude could have been one of tolerance and martyrdom- an easily foreseeable scene would have been of the long suffering wife supporting the wayward and flighty husband. Instead, because I see this path as something that will directly affect me and the decisions I make towards my diagnostic lab, suddenly, my attitude is one of active learning. Kind of selfish, no? That my attitude improves only when I see direct benefit to myself? But then, aren't we all?
What this also shows is the ownership I've taken with the lab. I could have pouted and held back saying that this isn't my idea and my dream. But at last, I seem have grown a bit more mature in realizing that I need to grasp my opportunities now, instead of focusing on trivialities.

The other attitude change that I am proud of, although it still feels elusive at times: holding on to a modicum of calmness in the face of sudden and scary events.
a) I turned my ankle and ripped a bunch of tendons on the eve of our departure from the US. The flight back to India was long and painful. I am extremely proud of my behavior during and after the flight: calm, cheerful and determined to get home, no matter what. I maintained my cool, I didn't lose my head and managed to keep the kids cheerful and calm throughout the 25-hour journey, despite not being able to walk without wanting to scream in pain.  I did this by constantly making sure that I had the resources to cope, by eating and snacking frequently, keeping hydrated, and most importantly, being extremely conscious of my inner self. By taking the time to respond, I would stop most of my knee-jerk nasty statements to kids and would take a deep breath if needed. By calming myself down, I calmed everybody around me. This is a brilliant life lesson I learned and need to practice some more.
b) My two-year old burned her hand in a freak accident. I was proud of the way I handled it, without giving in to fear. I broke down and cried afterwards, when I was explaining to RK what happened. But at that time, I held strong.
c) My 89 year old grandma fell very sick a couple of days ago, with diarrhea and massive weakness. I took care of her for a while (only about an hour or so, but still) and didn't lose my head when things got very bad.

These are my little triumphs. Sorry for boring you, reader. But these are the things that I need to remember, so that I know that I can be a better person. Someone more controlled and calm than I am usually.

A Quick Guide to Schools in Pittsburgh

When we still thought we would live out a good chunk of our lives in Pittsburgh, I had done a lot of research on school options for the kids. Now I find a lot of my friends going through the same process of doubts, questions and research as their kids grow older. So, here's a post summarizing the various options, my opinions and some facts about school education in the Burgh.

At age 3 (preschool):

a) Daycare/Preschool combination option: Places like Kindercare, Tendercare, Brightside, Rodef Shalom, JCC, etc (pretty much any daycare that caters to the 3-5 year old population) integrate a preschool within their daycare. The great advantage is that the kids are taken care of till about 6 or 7pm, for a price that varies by the center. On average, one can anticipate about a $1000/ month in expenses.

b) Public preschool: Pittsburgh Public Schools offers free preschool for 3-5 year old kids. Advantages: it's free; it's a great way of finding out about the school for kindergarten and above (after 5 years of age). Major disadvantage: school runs only till about noon or so, forcing one to find other options for after-school care.
For nearly all these preschools, admission is by application to the assigned school (based on postal address) or by lottery (eg. Montessori). Don't assume that just because you got in to a great school via the preschool lottery, that you're all set for kindergarten. Many schools require you to re-participate in the lottery system after the child turns 5 for a kindergarten admit.

At age 5 (kindergarten and at 6, elementary):

a) Pittsburgh Public Schools (assigned school): Based on one's postal address, one falls into different school districts, meaning that there's an assigned school where one's kids automatically are ensured admission. Pittsburgh inner city school districts get a lot of flak from those living in the suburbs, but in general, I have found that the schools in Squirrel Hill and Shadyside are pretty well-regarded. Many parents I have spoken to assure me that schools like Colfax or Minadeo (both in Squirrel Hill) are certainly comparable to any in the suburbs.
Nothing much needs to be done by the parents to ensure admission to their kids: You take the kid's birth certificate and some proofs of residence (a detailed document list is found on the PPS website) over to the school before some particular date in summer (the academic term starts in Aug) and they will register the kid. Before school starts, there'll be open houses and meet-and-greets where the prospective parents and students can meet the teachers and other school families.
This is the simplest and most stress-free method.
However, you may not be happy with your assigned school. In which case, you could find a close relative who does live in a school district that you like, and that can enable you to put your kid in the new school, after assigning the close relative as guardian. Or you could try the following other options:

b) Pittsburgh Public Schools (Magnet school): Magnet schools are those that emphasize a certain aspect of education, such as languages, science & tech, arts, music, you name it. There are many elementary schools that are Magnet, such as Dilworth (special emphasis on arts and music), Linden(special emphasis on a foreign language, such as German or Mandarin), Montessori (a special teaching type) and so on. There is no geographical restriction for application to these schools. To apply, wait for the application forms to come online on the PPS website by October of the previous year, browse through their offerings (each school describes its philosophy, special points etc), pick three that you like, submit the completed form and your list of top-3 favorite schools to the PPS office by December. Lottery to these schools take place in Jan and you will know where your child will be placed by February end. Magnet schools, being part of PPS, are also free.

c) Charter schools: these are not part of the PPS, yet they are not exactly separate from them, either. They follow their own curricula, but are still considered enough a part of PPS that their graduating high-school students will be eligible for the Pittsburgh Promise. The curriculum depends on the school. For instance, the Frick Environmental Charter School (my favorite of all) stresses on the importance of nature and environmental consciousness in the development of kids. Entrance is by lottery. Competition can be fierce. For instance, the ECS admission rate is 7%, lower than that of Yale University.Parents pay a nominal fee for tuition and food.

For both magnet and charter schools, preference is given to applicants with siblings already in the school ("sibling preference") and city of Pittsburgh residents.

d) Private schools: pay and learn. School fees can vary widely. But nearly all cost more than $10,000/ year. Scholarships are available for those in need of financial assistance.

My opinions:
I am a big fan of the PPS. So my plan for my kids was to send them to either their assigned school (Minadeo) or apply for Magnet schools (Montessori and Dilworth were the first two on my list). I felt that the money saved during elementary school education would be better used either for private schooling at the high school stage or even college. Some of my friends also advocated private schooling in a girls-only school for their daughters during the middle school years and this is certainly a point that should be considered.

Hiya Pluto!

Excited about New Horizons!

What will we see on Tuesday?