Sunday, July 16, 2023

Reflections on Birding

 Have spent the week in Udaipur at Basic Health Services, going to their far-flung clinics, observing doctor-patient interactions, laboratory processes, tests done etc. I remember going off alone before on work-related trips but it's been long enough that it feels like a different lifetime (I think the last one was for a conference in 2008!)

This time, the man and the kids have been managing by themselves and I have had the opportunity to focus on work, and during my time away from the clinics, bird-watch. I am happy that I have been able to go on exploratory walks, learning about the city and its birds nearly every day. I am also glad to have been able to observe some critical growth as a birdwatcher in myself.

My attitude to birding has gone through phases, from frustrated novice to insecure and inexperienced to impatient and full of FOMO to my present state of acceptance. The greatest influence here has been the book "The Living Air" by Aasheesh Pittie. I have not read this book yet, but I read the foreword by Mark Cocker. There, Cocker describes Aasheesh Pittie's capacity to spend many hours in fascinated observation even of the most common birds (in this case, it was the dabchick, a small and rather drab, dull, brown bird in most local waterbodies that ducks in and out of water). For some reason,  this felt like permission that I could spend just as much time observing the bulbuls, tailorbirds, sunbirds and mynahs of common city life as I could spend hunting for the yellow rumped honeyguide or the green magpie in the Himalayas in Sikkim. Once I embraced this notion, all birdwatching has become precious... the time spent gazing at a crow tearing apart some food is not wasted time, but a privileged glimpse into its life. Why spend time anxious and impatient to go to exotic places to hunt out exotic species or feel like you are falling behind in your growth, when you can make your learning about what you already know deeper and deeper? Why put a price on the value of a birdwatching experience? 

With this rather mellow attitude, I have found intense joy in birding in Udaipur. I should point out that Udaipur in July, after the first wave of monsoon rains, is paradise. Its lush green Aravalli hills roll into the distance with all the professed beauty of the English or Scottish countryside, its lakes are brimming over with clean rainwater and small rivulets and streams run happily alongside country roads. It is still small by Indian city standards and birds that are now non-existent in larger Indian cities, such as sparrows and swallows, throng here in large numbers. There are farms and fields in the center of the city! There are old style constructions which allow small birds to nest within nooks and crannies. There is a prevalent culture of bird-feeding with clumps of nuts and grains or shallow pots of water left outside nearly every house.

I won't go into details about the birds I saw during this trip, but will direct you to the eBird checklists I created: here, herehere and here)

There have been two other major ways I have improved as a birdwatcher:
a) Looking at an unknown bird and considering the possibility that it is a female: We all gaze at the colors and antics of the male birds, which tend to be attractive and eye-catching. The females, of course, wear drabber colors and do not need to go through masculine antics. I saw a chocolate brown bird with bright eyes foraging on the soil of the patch of land behind the BHS clinic at Kojawada and almost fell off the terrace in my attempts to keep it within view. The feature that made me think of female birds was the fluffy patch of reddishness near the vent (which is a fancy way of saying butt), and which is a distinguishing feature of the male Indian robin. 

Female Indian robin. Image from https://ebird.org/species/indrob1/IN-RJ-UD, Rahul Singh

The bird above is smaller and plumper than the ones I saw, but you get the idea. With bated breath and slightly trembly fingers, I looked up pictures of the female robin and was thrilled to find it was the same. I have since seen the female multiple times and always feel a sense of kinship. 

If you would have watched me, some years ago, go through hours and hours of all sorts of mental acrobats before figuring out a particular bird was a female cuckoo, you would get why the ability to reasonably quickly identify a female robin thrills me no end. 

b) Breeding plumages of birds: Near where I stay is the Ayad river. It's a bit of work to birdwatch here because of the insane number of flies that buzz around you all the time, trying to sit on your eye and mouth and disgusting things like that. It's because of all the trash that is thrown on the banks, and the smell doesn't help. But in my new, all-accepting avatar (may it thrive and grow!), I (wo)manfully ignored all this and spent a good long time on either side of the bridge staring at the water. I came across one fellow with the most splendid beak- pale blue near the nose, then a splash of bright yellow and a black tip. The beak threw me off. If I hadn't observed the beak, I would have said, "Ah, Mr. Pond Heron, nice to see you here" but the beak suddenly made him look a far more sophisticated specimen than the homegrown little fellow who fishes in my backyard open drain in Bangalore. I was like, "Could you be a relative? Are you a subspecies found here and not in Bangalore?" But turns out, this is what pond herons in the breeding season look like- their beaks become brighter and have these starkly beautiful colors on them!                                      


The pond heron doth clean up but good for his lady. Pics from Wiki Commons

I find bird watching astonishingly meditative. One has to be fully in the present. Any distractions, and you could lose sight of the bird forever. It is deeply restorative for the spirit- there is something very healing in being able to observe a bird crooning to itself or its young ones, or engaging in aerial displays just for the sheer fun of it (last evening I saw a flock of swallows zooming around at top speed swerving and veering, much like young boys on motorbikes doing wheelies), or raucously calling to its friends (yes, parakeets and babblers, I am looking at you, you noisy creatures) or being deeply paranoid about its young (red wattled lapwings, if you don't want people to find your eggs, don't lay them next to the road and then spend the next few hours shrieking at everyone). There is a sense of being part of something larger and realizing that deep, true and real worries and feelings are almost exactly the same regardless of whether you are a human or a bird. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

What to do with my new-found freedom

 I am and have been luckier than most people in the world. In addition to the key people in my life- my parents, spouse, kids and parents-in-law- there have been many family members, friends, colleagues, mentors and guides who have supported me at many stages of my life.

Now I am lucky again to have found myself in this position at this stage of my life: of starting afresh, but with an even stronger foundation than before.

What to do with all this liberty? 

What is my vision board:

a) Money:
- I want to earn large amounts of money... something like 2-2.5L per month to begin with?
- I want to clear my parents' SBI stuff this year 

b) Life:
- House: I want to renovate the house so it looks inviting, warm, loving and clean.
- My time in nature: I want to spend time bird watching, insect watching, growing plants, and watching them grow 
- Minimalist lifestyle: I want to get rid of everything that doesn't bring joy into life as Mary Kondo instructs
- Fitness: I want to be fit, strong and flexible. I want to do Vipaasana and learn to quiet my mind
- Food: I want to eat healthy food and ensure my kids are eating healthy as well. 
- Health: I want to ensure we are all protected and healthy. This means regular dental, ophthalmologic checkups, dermatology, seeking help for Ani's stammering, diet plan etc.
-Time with kids: Durga has specifically asked me to spend more time at home with her. So will plan to do so.

c) Learning:
- I want to delve into public health implementation and leadership. I want to lead programs and participate in programs which are community-based, which solve critical problems and work with wise and smart people who get things done. 
- I want to learn a new language
- I want to go abroad to meet people and learn new things
- I want to write extensively and regularly
- Kids and husband: I want to travel with the fam, do stuff with the kids (in nature, in the house, with their school and many other avenues) and learn with and from them. 
-BBMP stuff: let this journey be something I am grateful for and learn from for future projects, regardless of how frustrating or frightening it may be. Let me emerge from this experience stronger, smarter and with a lot more understanding of legal, regulatory and financial processes, people and systems.

Friday, June 9, 2023

Hard Decisions

 There come times when there is a clear need for change. This need sometimes creeps up on you slowly, sometimes hurtling like a train. Regardless, it is time for hard decisions, whether to continue on the current path or not. 

MSCH had a situation like this in 2020, just before we pivoted to large scale Covid-19 RTPCR diagnostics.  At that time, we had very little experience with processes or operations or management. But there were desire, ambition, and a set of mentors who were extremely stringent on quality and integrity and who were willing to give their time and guidance. To a large extent, MSCH was able to envision and enact this change because of its core team of Poorva Huilgol, Rekha Godbole and myself. We relied on each other heavily and managed fairly complex and fast-evolving projects successfully.

Now the Covid phase has been over for about 15 months.  MSCH is facing another of those pivotal moments. This time, the baggage the company carries, in terms of infrastructure, people, the samples that have frozen and stored over many years, the various projects initiated but not completed, is much heavier.  MSCH maintained a steady state for the past many months and the urge to continue the status quo is overwhelming. 

But a steady state held for too long becomes decay. And there have been signs that MSCH cannot continue on its current path if it intends not only to survive but thrive in the future. 

So it is with a mixture of trepidation and optimism that we have taken a few hard decisions: we will no longer keep our stand-alone labs. We will focus only on in-sourcing and installing labs within existing entities. We will let go of practically all our staff to bring down our outflows to less than 1L per month. This will provide us some breathing space to stabilize financially and regroup for the next phase.

There are a few things different between the last pivot to this one:

a) The push and the crisis were external last time. It's always harder to validate pivots and tough decisions when it isn't obvious to the outside world! 

b) Then, we had to up-size. Here we are down-sizing, which is always perceived negatively. 

Perhaps this pivot is more like our move from the US to India. 

Personally, I find myself vacillating quite a bit about all this:
- There have been moments of great tension- such as when I told the lab about the closing down and laying off.
- Then, the rather longer-stretched  tensions and stresses of trying to place all the folks in equally good or better positions 
- Initially there was a huge spurt of joy when I felt I could step down from MSCH CEO-ship. It has been a long, memorable and proud journey but I rather like the idea of someone else taking the helm for a change. 
- And now there is a bit more stress when I try to figure out how to ensure my own salary, while enabling my growth and giving this chance the importance and thought it deserves. 

It has also helped me experience something that I have only ever heard about: the company should be the owner's asset, not the owner's master. It's slowly beginning to dawn on me that if one feels like they are working for themselves, then one can never feel like a slave. For some time now, I have felt like I have not been working for myself, that I need to make a certain amount of revenue just to maintain things.  By letting go of many crucial assets of MSCH, importantly its people, I feel like I can, for the first time in a long time, take a deep breath and say. I don't have to fight every month to make rent, revenues, salaries, name, fame, legacy... nothing. It's a stunning feeling of liberation. 

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Gratitude Journal

Ok I am going to give this a shot. More on GJ here: https://www.happify.com/hd/why-you-should-write-a-gratitude-journal/ More on GJ practices here: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_journal Wondering whether to do this online or in a physical diary... I think the latter for now, until I get a bit more comfortable with the idea.

Sunday, December 4, 2022

Choosing to Stop the Chase

For the past many years, I have been chasing things- opportunities, external validation, approval, money, inclusion. I have decided to take a breath and stop. I want to delve deep into things that are meaningful and add value to my life. I want to find a purpose and a mission where working towards it itself is the satisfaction In other words, as the Gita says, I will focus on the work and not the fruits of the labour.

Thursday, June 16, 2022

On a day like today

What I miss about my parents the most: - the unconditionality of their love - their habit of making my priorities theirs. I wish there was some way I could tell them this.

Friday, May 20, 2022

Birding in Guwahati: Kamakhya and Deepor Beel

Kamakhya is a powerful Goddess- probably the only one celebrating the female ability to produce offspring. This is the menstruating Goddess and the phenomena of menstruation, pregnancy and childbirth are worshipped here. 

The place of worship is ancient, believed to have been found at the site where the Mother Goddess's womb fell from the sky.

Anyway, while the temple experience was a bit disappointing (am not sure if I should go to see any further famous temples in the North... they all have a single formula: go, buy a massive basket of junk which are apparently essentials to enter a temple, get accosted by a priest, go do a bunch of things they tell you to do and come back with the same basket of junk that you had taken inside in the first place, but now apparently blessed). What is the true miracle is that some temples, even in the face of this blatant money-mindedness automated herding through random corridors, still retain a feeling of deep spirituality. Many other temples, however, become just the backdrop to this empty and heartless monetary machine. 

What made the Kamakhya experience bearable, in my mind, is the nearby Kali temple and its forest grove. 

B and I saw a solid waste management plant and in our new avatars as people deeply interested in waste in all its forms, decided to go and see what it was.

This is the unassuming entrance to the most magical secret grove
This is the unassuming entrance to the most magical secret grove!



Many birds! Right at eye level! Very happy!!


Pretty little village road. Image courtesy: Bidipta Roy


Birds seen:

a) Flamebacked woodpecker.... for the first time in my life, I saw it fly... and realized it's quite a small bird! It's wing feathers are a shape that is quite unique- separate, a bit like fingers. 


From Wiki media commons

b) White breasted Kingfishers- a family of five!

c) Blue throated barbet


Just look at those colors! From Wiki commons

d) A pair of Oriental magpie robins: these are pretty common birds in and around Bangalore. But this is the first time I saw a female one at very close quarters.
A few years ago, I had spent hours and hours hunting online to try to identify a bird that I had seen. It took me a long time to realize that it was the female cuckoo! Thankfully, this time, it didn't take me quite as long to think of this little lady as the female member of a known bird species, instead of a totally new species of bird :) 
So, am feeling rather happy about my growth as a birdwatcher. 

From Wiki commons

e) Perhaps it is only my imagination, but I feel that the crows of Guwahati are smaller than those in the South. Not sure if there are species differences- I am unable to make out even after using the field guide. 

f) Many mynas.

Tried returning to Kamakhya that evening for more birdwatching, but alas, the traffic of Guwahati conspired against us. We were stuck in traffic for more than an hour and ran out of time. 

I'm realizing Guwahati is quite unique in the way of terrains (river, wetland, hilly forests- all within a few minutes of each other), but at least at this time of the year, there are not that many different bird species: throughout the city, you see the usual urban dwellers, crows and mynas. By the river side, there are many egrets (great, intermediate, cattle, and little) and cormorants. There are also many broad-leaved groves inhabited by birds like woodpeckers and barbets. But what I don't see are the striking differences in urban bird population that is found in, say, Gangtok. In fact, Guwahati is quite similar in bird life to Kolkata and parts of Bangalore. 
 
21/5/2022
Today, PH, PK and I went to Deepar Beel, a large river wetland bird sanctuary about 10km west of Guwahati. Since we are so much to the East, sunrise occurs here at around 4:30am. By 5am, the light is just about the same as around 7am in Bangalore! We left the room by 5:30am and reached DB by 6-ish.
The road here has forested hills on one side and a large wetland lake on the other. Interestingly, the bird population on either side of the road is quite different. 





Struggling to identify the birds I see- they all look like egrets... but are they?

PK thinking deep thoughts while gazing into the horizon

Hello Mr. Drongo... or Brongo, as Durga would call you!

This one walked all the way from Kaziranga!

Birds that can be seen at DB

Caught sight of at least three different myna family species: the common myna, the collared myna and the pied starling:

Collared myna. Pic from ebird.org

Pied starling. Pic from ebird.org


A coppersmith barbet came out for a quick hello


By the forested side, caught sight of the blackhooded oriole... did you know that a BHO makes a whole lot of sounds? Sometimes it is an easy "chew chew!"... other times it sounds like a gargle followed by a sneeze "croa croa achoo!". Weird sounds emanate from this fellow. We saw a nest and a pair of birds nearby, so presume that these two are a mated pair.

Hello handsome! Pic from ebird.org


A couple of fat pigeons sat by a tree. They are a type of green pigeon, but I'm not sure if they are Green Pintailed pigeons or Yellow-footed Green Pigeon

Pintail
                                                

So... my notes from the morning specifically say yellow foot, but nothing about the tail. Also I do recall the face around the eyes being rather grey. So it does seem to be the yellow-footed green pigeon. My uncertainty stems from the fact that all pics of the yellow foot seem to show a uniform green-yellow underbelly, whereas I have clearly noted that the green bits ended in a circular margin and the rest of the body was grey. Could the differences be due to the breeding season (or the lack of it? It seems to be more the nesting season now) or gender/ geography/age ? 

For now, will call it Yellow-footed Green Pigeon.

Getting ready to head into IIT-G. No doubt, there will be more opportunities to bird there.