A dreadful evening

It'd been so cold last week that I didn't park my car in its usual faraway spot, but instead, as close to the lab as possible. So yesterday, when it was bright and sunny, I parked it a mile away and had a most enjoyable little walk to the lab. But I totally forgot about the walk back by the time evening came around. So at around 5:15 or so, I slowly rose from my desk and plodded along to the parking spot opposite my lab only to remember, to my utter dismay, that the car was elsewhere.
Then I half-ran half-trotted the mile back, got into my car, realized it was stuck in a frozen snow bank and couldn't pull out, got back out, pulled an ice scraper from the boot and viciously struck the frozen ice all around the tires to get them to loosen up a bit so the tires could come out of them, then managed to reverse the car out of the snow bank and race to the daycare to pick up the kids before closing time, stressed out, disheveled and hungry after all that unexpected exercise.

Then, after coming home, I ruined my record of patience and good cheer with the kids by sniping, yelling and finally screaming at them. It started with Durga tossing her cup of buttered corn at Ani, scattering glass and corn all over the kitchen; then Ani accidentally spilling his whole cup of milk on the couch; then Durga, inspired by my earlier broom-sweeping of the glass and corn, picking up the broom to try to sweep the floor and then the utensils off the kitchen counter; then me ruining dinner by... I don't even know how. The tomato-paneer dish I made was the bitterest thing I've ever tasted. In the meantime, Durga hungry and crying for food; Ani on the potty, having diarrhea (what?! how?!); Durga pulling out vaseline from one of the shelves and anointing her face, hair and the floor with it; me yelling at both of them and the two kids crying because I yelled at them. Finally, got food ready, tried to cram some food into Durga, who magically lost interest in food and wanted to play instead with Ani, who instead of eating, got up to play with Durga and tripped over something on the floor and hurt his head his head against the couch. This is when I screamed.

And then... silence. Blessed silence for a few minutes, while I replayed  in my head what I had just screamed, Ani and Durga quiet, but eyes filling with tears, the calm before the storm of their crying would begin again.

 I should have eaten something before I started making dinner for the kids. If I'd been less hungry and less tired, I would have noticed the signs of the impending crisis much earlier and could have altered the outcome.

In the end, I calmed down. And magically, everything else calmed down too. The kids cried a bit, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Then I took them on my lab and apologized profusely and kissed and cuddled them both. Then, exhausted, we all fell asleep by 9 in the night.

Reminder to myself: if I lose control, my world loses control.
Now to pick up the pieces and start again.